Suddenly I see...

 We humans have two great problems: the first is knowing when to begin; the second is knowing when to stop. 

Karen Horney, a popular psychologist I took up in Theories of Personality class (I majored in Psychology and Marketing in College) theorized that most of us, if not all human beings have two major psychological issues---that of basic hostility, a trait most of us imbibe and unconsciously possess upon childhood due to overprotective or overly neglectful parents and basic anxiety, something that most of us (in our twenties) I am sure have gone through. The endless what-ifs and pondering upon the meaninglessness of human existence in general are manifestations of such anxious behavior. Such basic anxiety can lead to neurotic behavior and neurotic behavior, as I have learned can be manifested in three categories--- moving toward, moving against and moving away.

I am no expert on the field of psychosocial theory nor can I say that I am already an exemplary source for psychoanalytical thought--- although I did major in Psychology and interned in the Behavioral Neuropsychology Department in Medical City for half a year. However, as I delve into the issue more and think about it in the context of myself, I’ve come to realize that hostility and anxiety are a vital part of human existence and at times, it is something we can learn from. However, as I have learned the hard way, it is something that can destroy us or lead us to destroy our lives. I know what you’re thinking—what would I know right? After all, I am probably the queen of anxiety and panic attacks and that together with my bestest girl, Kato, aka. half of the Two Broken Girls dynamic duo, I am chronically and idiopathic-ally stressed out. It’s a constant thing in my life.

But then I got to thinking, that as I am in this turbulent situation, and after the killer workout my trainer happily imposed on an adrenaline rushing me, the two hour sobfest that had left me shriveled up and with swollen eyes , and after the two Lexotan tablets my nurse happily forced upon me... that the escape for basic anxiety is not really all the self-help books or online internet tests we take about our ‘perfect match for personality.’ The solution isn’t really in watching the entire DVD seasons of Grey’s Anatomy (which I thought worked for sometime) and trying to relate our  life or neurosis to the likes of Meredith Grey and Carrie Bradshaw. It isn’t also in the numerous milligrams of downers, uppers or alcohol carafes we induce upon our livers (although I do recommend it as a temporary relief given that the Lexotans really did work since I am fundamentally ready to become a Buddhist monk now with all the Zen feeling and the unnerving sense of calm I have.)

The thing is, we all have a form of neurosis, one way or the other---we are all crazy. By crazy I do not mean psychopath or sociopath or anything that can be categorized under the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders). By crazy, I mean that we all have our issues…we all have our own demons to conquer and at times, when we least expect these demons to arrive, they do. That’s the thing about neurosis and the demons of thought---you can never tell when it’s going to come. It just does and it hits you hard---hook, line and sinker.

 No one should ever ask themselves this: Why am I unhappy? The question carries within it the virus that will destroy everything. If we ask that question, it means we want to find out what makes us happy. If what makes us happy is different from what we have now, then we must either change once and for all or stay as we are, feeling more unhappy. 

We always have two choices--- one is to be forever stuck in a misery rut and second is to live life fabulously, and not let the sour graping and rumor mongering ruin the bliss you have so long established for yourself and for the people you love, more than anything in this world. And I guess that at the end of the day, that's just what I  choose to do: Live my life fabulously, outrageously and fantastically with the most gorgeous and beautiful people (from the inside-out) I know and not have anyone ruin my day. I've decided that starting from this day forward I will make peace with everyone I have had differences with (well at least people who still at some level matter to me and those I still consider human). 

 I love my life and everyone in it.

xx, JL

On a fashion related topic, my outfit somehow complements the outfit I am wearing. it's basically a shirt I turned into a dress with the BIG BOLD STATEMENT:

I WEAR WHAT I WANT TO WEAR.