Aug 11, 2014

Crimson Day

Crimson is such a lovely color and it was only fitting to wear this dress for a friend's wedding which had the theme that consisted of fall colors. There were so many choices to choose from- amber, bronze, midnight blue, forest green, burnt sienna etc. but ultimately I chose red because even if I used to try to avoid the color because it made me look more Asian than ever...I realized that it's not a bad thing because after all, I really am Asian and proud to be one at that! I always associated this color to affection, intensity, passion and well blood, which, well to be honest, are all elements of love. I will shed more insight on this topic as I go along the post but for the meantime, enjoy my outfit as I definitely had a grand time wearing it...

Lace and Mesh Backless Halter Neck Dress: Tantease
Jewelry: My Collection (Also worn HERE)
Chain Bag: Chanel (Also worn HERE)

Gold Studded Metallic Shoes: DAS

“Who fixes broken people? Is it only other broken people, ones who've already been ruined? And do we need to be fixed? It was the messiness and hurt in our pasts that drove us, and that same hurt connected us at a sub-dermal level, the kind of scars written so deeply in your cells that you can't even see them anymore, only recognize them in someone else.”
- Leah Raeder

Love as they say is a beautiful feeling. What people don't say though is that love can also be destructive especially after the loss of a relationship. It is okay to fall in love but as time and experience has taught me- you have to always pick up the pieces.

What do I mean? It's simple: do not let someone mend your heart for you and always let people know that you are strong, that you can stand alone and that you can heal wounds of your brokenness. Allow people to see your strength but also allow them to know that you are hurting too and that their help is appreciated. There is no one person who can who can fix you. But also, no man is an island, and never ever look for a rebound as the distraction will never help you in standing up your on your own two feet. No matter what, do not find someone else that will pick up the pieces for you- you have to pick yourself up by yourself- do not let others get yourself together for you. 

Know others are struggling too. No one you know is actually immune to heart ache (unless you know a person who does not know how to feel) and there is no 12-Step Program for romantic fulfillment or happiness... there is a strange comfort in knowing that everyone is just winging it and using different methods to cope. The one thing I've realized which is also hard to admit to myself (but then again, I am self-deprecating) is that I have hurt other people as many times as I have been hurt. In the process of coping, I find myself being cynical, unkind and careless of my own wants. It basically boils down to one question: "is it worth it?" and when my answer is a definitive "no"--- my pessimism and disillusionment seems more crushing than courageous. It's because it's not like I have not prepared for pain. Based on my clumsiness and my talent for falling down on the floor, I realized the healing process is all the same. For me, coping was wrapping myself in so many walls- gauze and bandage and band-aid and cotton that I fool myself into believing that I don't feel a thing. But everyone know (and as medical science has proven,) covering an open injury may protect against possible infection but it does nothing to heal the wound. A gash must meet air to seal on their own. I have to allow myself to breathe. Scabs must form without being picked. Chances are, there will be minimal scarring... but we all know these were the risks of falling in the first place.

No matter what, it is not all about being in a relationship because there's more to life than that. If by some chance the person you've loved comes back...and asks for another chance, I personally believe that you have to be smart enough to know not to give it. That person no longer deserves the love you've given and it's time to love yourself for a change. It is thrown away and will never come back or be the same. Do not recycle. Do not believe in sugar-coated words. A person who has the capacity to hurt you and break you does not deserve yourself when you are whole again. You have to succeed and when you do, put a smile on your face. It takes time to pick up the pieces but the wait will be well worth it. In the meantime, breathe...just breathe...give your heart a break  
and know you are braver than you think.

Photos by: Celyn Jaravata

xx, JL

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