Nov 18, 2014

'Cause Darling I'm a Nightmare Dressed Like A Daydream

Okay, so I don't quite know how accurate this title is but granted that I am self-deprecating, I wanted to post this as it was one of my favorite lyrics to that new very self-deprecating Taylor Swift song, Blank Space, which is what almost everyone is talking about... along with THAT photo that broke the internet that just had this weird effect on me because I felt like there was too much oil involved. Okay, not to veer off from topic, I always liked Taylor Swift as an artist and love her songs (even her unreleased ones) but before, as a person... not so much. I always felt there was something she was hiding with her squeaky clean image and since I am one of those people who love to admit my faults before anyone else could point them out, I felt like she was hiding something. With her new look, sound and image with her 1989 album though, I've begun to see a more human side to her and I liked it that she went over and beyond that and exaggerated how she is portrayed and showed off her flaws in such a self-deprecating way that made me really really like her. I think as humans, we are all flawed. But it is up to how we accept them, react to them and use them (sometimes to our advantage) that matters. So right now that she is showing a more fun and "hey, I'm also human" side... I like her as a person too. I have to admit  I haven't quite given myself enough time to recover after the fuss of last week since the minute I was released from the hospital, I found my schedule full of appearances and commitments that I have signed off to even before I got sick. Granted that these commitments involve an advocacy that is very important to me, I couldn't live with myself if I were to just cancel last minute so after I checked out from being admitted... I found myself planning my wardrobe for the days to come which involved me in very demure, dainty and classic pieces since these engagements I booked all involved education, which as you know is a very important cause to me and something that I will fight for no matter what. I decided to postpone the time needed to recuperate so I may attend to these functions because I am professional and I will go above what is expected especially if it involves this particular cause. I'm human, I am flawed but here I am trying my best to represent... and in this ensemble, it would be hard to go wrong with the entire representation thing as it was in every way elegant. This is my usual outfit for daily life as I want to represent myself in a very put-together and classic way especially as I represent one of the most rapidly growing scholarship and educational foundations as I am its Executive Director. As I am an advocate of situational dressing, I try to be respectful of the environment I am in and the cause I am representing and that involves dressing up in a manner that is graceful, dignified and refined. 


Shift dresses, pea-coats and a lot of muted tones are a staple in my wardrobe and I love it. It signifies growing up and my personal metamorphosis into being a young adult trying to find myself into an established and sure-footed woman who knows what she wants and takes it. Now of course, this very calculated and polished way of dressing myself up may seem too posh or too lavish or showy but that isn't really the look I am going for. If anything, all it involves is choosing the right pieces (branded or not), mixing and matching them and coming up with something consistent and put-together as this even if the pieces in the look are not exactly as expensive as you might think... Like for example, can you believe that this pink Jacquard Dress cost me P350 at The Manila Sundance Bazaar? It sure doesn't look like it did... now does it? This is why I put emphasis on being a smart dresser versus being a style savvy one. If you mastered the art of exuding elegance, you don't need to be in donned in a head  to toe fancy shmancy designer everything to exude sophistication and style. All it takes is carrying yourself well and presenting yourself well. You can be donned in upscale brands all you want and still look sloppy. The same applies with being put-together.

Single Breasted White Zippered Pea-Coat: Stradivarius (also worn HERE)
Jacquard Pink Sleeveless Shift Dress: The Urban Hour
South Sea Pearls: Mikimoto
Piggy Pink Nightingale Bag: Givenchy
T-strap Baby Pink Patent Shoes: Zara
 Now one of the things I was still able to catch up on (before the full schedule I was to embark on) was this song in particular and I quickly linked it to everyone I know and trusted because it was just too funny not to share...especially the video. The most common reaction I got from people I shared this to when it hit the airwaves was how the song could almost be like my "personal anthem" since I am often joked about and poked fun at by my friends and relatives on my serial monogamist ways and my propensity to always introduce a new boyfriend to the family in gatherings that there is almost a set time table and people can pool in bets on how long this one is going to last. It was generally a "ha-ha" moment but then I looked back and got to thinking that I probably did introduce more potential "to-be" guys to my entire family than anyone else has. Add that to the fact that Celyn is so keen on the "bored and pampered queen" stereotype I seem to fit into that is a common presumption of people of me on the get-go and the music video pretty much nailed all the proclivities that involved me...even despite being as exaggerated as it was. Of course, I won't wash my hands clean off every mess since I made some mistakes which I am still paying for literally until now but I just think that some things were overly exaggerated and in a sense, took a life on its own and since I am not exactly enthusiastic in denying to death to preserve my so called and non-existent "Little Miss Perfect" was bound to. If anything, my shrewd demeanor and headstrong and impulsive ways have actually added further fuel to the fire and it almost seemed like I was recklessly fanning the flames. So much like the exaggerated video, I found that it was better to own it rather than downplay it so as exaggerated and embellished the stories got, it was much better to poke fun at myself and how I am depicted (all the stereotypes and over-dramatized traits included) and live with it. That's always been my stance on things. As I grow older, I reckon, that the important people know the truth and those who choose to believe the aggrandizement, don't deserve my time of day. I think it takes an intense time: knowing yourself and loving yourself as you are that makes trying to explain yourself to the whole world irrelevant. I say that with great pride.

There's nothing wrong with trying to find love. I just guess some people are blessed to get it right the first try. Others (present company included)... not so. After having done the whole merry-go-round, a good half dozen times or more, I am getting tried of the circus and taking a quiet retreat, trading in my tickets and coins for time cards and medals (for our future graduates!) It's not that I've given up and am throwing up the towel... I just think I need to concentrate on other things that don't involve dating, set-ups and meeting someone new. Even the best of us need time out to recharge our batteries. I am taking this much needed break for downtime and breathing space. There are so many things I have yet to accomplish on my own and I just do not need the distraction right now. And while I am 100% sure that all my ex-lovers would probably tell you I'm insane... I do not exactly have a blank space to write anyone's name.


xx, JL

No comments :

Post a Comment

I would love to hear what you have to say.
So, send in your love.