Nov 3, 2014

This is the part where I break free

If you haven't figured it out yet, I love Halloween and it is my favorite day of the year. For my main Halloween costumes, I always make sure that it is one of a kind and I always want to out-do myself from the previous years. Now I already did fur, feathers, leather, sequins and flowers... I had to think of an option and accent I haven't used yet and then I got my answer... rhinestones and gems. I made sure that it had to be perfect. True to form, the character I chose to portray was Ariana Grande from her Music Video in Break Free. Now when it comes to me and being in character, I commit and I commit fully... and most of the time I actually take it to another level which was why I had my tattoo artist Elezar Orobia from Wiz Ink Tattoo Studio come over and paint my face- making sure each detail of the one she had in the video matched perfectly (and who else better to trust than the person who does all my permanent tattoos right?) Now, the costume was a bit too plain and under the advisement of my sister...I decided to bedazzle and my wonderful personal assistant Celyn Jaravata DIY-ed my look to perfection...the entire suit was full of gems and I was sparkling the whole night! To take it up a notch, I used several coats of textile paint and pylox to create the white boots Ariana Grande is quite known for. Trust me, it was such a feat to look for white boots in this country where (1) boots are rarely worn so supplies are low and (2) it was simply impractical to buy a pair in white since it can get ruined easily. So, I decided to take things in my own hands and create it and it turned out great. The boots I bought to use as a base was actually black suede (yes, it was a miracle I was able to turn it to white) and I got it for a great prize... it was 90% off so from P4850, I only paid P499.75. Isn't that a steal? Oh how I absolutely love Halloween! It challenges my creativity and I am glad to have people with me to help me out with the execution.

I wore this to a great night out with friends where we went to Black Sheep first to enjoy good drinks and a good ambiance and view. It was fun to be away from the maddening crowds for a change and I absolutely enjoyed it because I felt I was in good company and I didn't have to suffer the consequences of long lines, overcrowding and drinks spilling all over me. I used to be able to deal with it before but now, at this age, I don't think I am so keen on exerting that much effort. (Can anyone say: LOLA MODE?) Besides, I always loved the drinks in Black Sheep so I was more than willing to spend time and money sipping on quality liquor and getting to bond with my closest friends. I think I am so into having quiet sit downs and bonding over standing up for three hours and screaming at the top of my lungs to get to talk to a friend with a 75% chance, s/he isn't hearing what I am saying. The Halloween lover in me is still and probably always be there but I have a different definition of how I celebrate it. I then proceeded to Wolf and Fox to see some of my FOSSIL Dominique's (who was brilliantly dressed as Taylor Swift in concert) friends to say a quick hello. We then went to Stella/Rocket Room to meet up with the beautiful ladies we love from The Plump Pinay- Danah and Stacy who I love as they are the realest people ever. I love spending my time with people who have the same worldviews as me and who are absolutely as raw and real as it gets. Then we called it a night. I don't go out anymore past 1 am (even that is very late for me) which is why the 3:30 am home bound schedule did major damage to my system as I got sick the next day. But nothing will damper my Halloween spirit. It was all worth it!

Now of all the possible Halloween costume choices, you might wonder, why I chose Ariana Grande's Break Free look. Aside from the obvious- that I seem to forget to wear something over my knickers in Halloween every year and step out in them... *Cue in popular Mean Girls Quote Here*, there is another reason... and that is when I first heard the song, it had so much meaning for me. I always seemed to define my mood based on the status of the person I am in a relationship with. After 9 years of fall-outs and break-ups and miserable-ever-afters, I found that there was almost a step by step process in how my relationships progress. One of the things that lead to the downfall is my inability to reply or  use the modern tools of communication to check up with my significant other. It's been a bad habit and a flaw I have tried so hard to work on but never quite have... ever. I'm just not like that, I guess. In the second half of this year, the realization dawned upon me that the only person breaking my heart was me. Since then, I decided to stop and actually think about what was going on and what I could do to put a stop to it. The world has told us for a long time that a broken heart, once broken dos not heal and that it remains infinitely broken even if you learn to love someone else. I completely disagree. I think the only reason your heart is broken is because you continuously keep on breaking it. 

If there is anything that I have learned after having gone through all those, it is that the past does not travel with you. I've been through it all- the many variations of love which always have the same outcome. The thing is we keep on holding on to it and continue to relive it over and over again and the fact that we can not let go keeps us in limbo... a place we definitely belong. I realized that I was just making excuses to hold on when all I needed to do was go for the unknown, the unfamiliar and the unpredictable. I needed to first base my happiness on my relationship with myself... which is why after so many years, I am finally giving my heart a break. I won't say arriving at this point where I let go of the chains of the past that was actually my safety net and breaking free was all the easy... if anything, the call to do something about it is the hardest thing to do especially when you've shackled yourself up, chained yourself and used locks and conveniently threw the keys away. Saying "yes' to breaking yourself free from what is holding you back is tough- no kidding. But  I realized the stakes were high and I needed to enrich my life and make it more meaningful so I took my time to get ready and then when I was, I decided to go for it. It takes a lot of gumption to break that bad habit and be free because you are taking the risk of falling with the knowledge that no one is going to catch you. That is when you learn you need to catch yourself and be your own safety net. Some relationships are comparable to being chained to an anchor because the deeper you hold on to them, the deeper you sink and you have remove the chains and whatever binds you to that anchor and set yourself free so that you can stop drowning and rise up to reach the surface and stay afloat. Then you realize that you are free. By allowing yourself to break free of the shackles of pain and bitterness, you will learn to find yourself and you will stop seeking someone else because for once, you know that you are the only one who's capable of fixing yourself. As for me... "This is the part where I break free..."

To see my Halloween 2010 Costume... Click HERE

(I was the Black Swan even before the movie came out)

To see my Halloween 2011 Costume... CLICK HERE for PART 1

Where I played Christina Aguilera in Burlesque 

To see my Halloween 2011 Costume...CLICK HERE FOR PART 2

Where I was Veronica Lodge, in a slutty way

To see my Halloween 2012 Costume... CLICK HERE PART 1
I was a devil
To see my Halloween 2012 Costume... CLICK HERE PART2
I was Cher in Concert (Everyone thought I was Mrs. Officer though)
To see my Halloween 2013 Costume... CLICK HERE

...and for costumes of Halloweens of the past, CLICK HERE!
Stay tuned for my next costume...
Photos by: Celyn Jaravata

xx, JL

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