Jan 8, 2014

Who Knows Who Cares?

Caged Sheath Chiffon Baby Doll Black Dress: Chicnova.com | Two Toned Ankle Strap Pumps: DAS | 2.55 Caviar Chain Bag: Chanel | Black Diamonds Dangling Earrings: My Collection


 I've been going down
Down into the river baby
Listen to the sound
It's something only god knows
You figure it out, I can't stay
Water's in the clouds
Is my life about to change?
Who knows, who cares

You could let it down
Jump into the river baby
Easy as it sounds
It's never quite as easily done
The current has us now, it's ok
Take into account that it's all about to change
Who knows, who cares

No one's been there
But I don't care
I know all have been there
I don't care
I know 

- Local Natives, Who Knows, Who Cares

Here is another "simple" outfit (for my standards anyway) which I wore later on Christmas Eve. It funny how I was like yin and yang that day as I quickly transitioned from a soft chiffon white gown (See Christmas Dinner Post Here) to a black caged dress which I absolutely loved and got online from Chicnova.com. I have been crushing on this dress since forever and it was amazing that Chicnova was able to ship the dress in time for the holidays (or in my opinion, holidaze). I wore it for Noche Buena, which is a tradition in my country wherein we spend time with the family starting at about 10:30 pm and serve traditional food like ham, quezo de bola, dessert etc. Since my boyfriend spent Christmas dinner with my family, we bargained and reached a compromise and I spent noche buena in his home with his lovely family. I really really really like my boyfriend's family. They are the nicest and most decent people I've met and they FED me. Naturally, I suffered from a food coma by the time the night ended because I just came from a degustation dinner and ate more food with his family to celebrate Christmas day. 


To be honest, I have been with my boyfriend for quite some time now, yet I don't really remember us fighting for more than 2 hours. I don't know what it is that makes the relationship work... maybe we are so alike in how we view things (granted we are both narcissistic and self-absorbed yet self-deprecating) that we rarely have disagreements. Maybe my Lexapro is finally working... Or maybe it is because we came from such traumatic relationships from the past that we've finally gotten the fact that being in an abusive (even verbally or psychologically) relationship, being vindictive and vengeful (and self righteous) and having fights are just elements for destruction. In other words, we don't like to be toxic. We don't want to be THAT couple who disagrees on everything, THAT couple everyone tries to avoid being with because they almost always fight or THAT couple that resents and deny each others friends. Which is why, even if we do not agree 100% on everything, we just talk it out. We've mastered the art of compromise so well and I have to say, I have utmost respect for my boyfriend as he has utmost respect for me. It is nice to be in a relationship wherein you are encouraged to be better and praised for your amazing qualities. It is also refreshing to be in a relationship where your misgivings, faults and past mistakes are not made an issue. We both never dig up past mistakes... I mean what's the point?

Also, maybe it's because... personally, I realized that I cannot expect someone to be perfect or to understand me perfectly. One of my favorite philosophers (along with Albert Camus and Jean Paul Sarte) Simone de Beauvoir one said, "The most sympathetic of men never fully comprehend women's concrete situation." This quote was something I recently remembered and realized again on the 9 months that I was single: I cannot expect any man or anyone (for that case) to understand me fully. Heck, sometimes, even I don't understand myself and when we get right down to it, most of our situations are concrete. It's not that we don't understand "abstract" (to be honest, I really personally do not.) Yet I know I can handle the abstract just as well as everyone else and do. Even so, I (and I think most women in general) am often left with the concrete of day-to-day living --- the "woman" business, the girlfriend business, the detail business. These are the places that men don't and can't "comprehend." Upon reflection, I think the reality is that we do understand men and their way of doing things just fine. We don't always agree (often) and we don't always like it (not much at all) and we understand it. We have to in order to live in this culture. Men don't have to understand us or the way we do things to live in this culture. I may sound like I am anti-feminism but I am simply saying what I have observed. That's the truth of it. They have to try (maybe) to be able to be in relationships with us and not for their survival. The fact is (as hard it is to accept):  We women spend eons trying to make ourselves understood by those who cannot possibly understand us.Think about it: how may tears we've cried, hours we've argued, phone calls we've spent just to get them to see things from our point of view. They don't and they won't.  

The failure isn't ours. We just have to LET IT GO. In the end, we both get battered in the process. 

That's my point of view. I am not forcing this one anyone but so far, understanding this and realizing this thought has worked for me. 

xx, JL

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