Jan 28, 2014

Speak Now

And another white dress... This one is a late post as I wore it to my boo's wedding last December as a "back-up" to my white bridesmaid gown. I am quite the control freak, you see... and I am really a perfectionist, sometimes to my disadvantage. But granted I know how white works as a color, I wasn't willing to take the risk of wearing a dirty dress... and since I am always prepared (or at least I believe to be to cure my anxiety) I knew I had to have another dress. True enough, my original bridesmaid dress got quite a stain (I accidentally sat on eyeliner/ coal at the church which unfortunately did so much more damage when I tried to remove it using a wet handkerchief.) and it was located on my backside... in all the wrong places. Thank Heavens for my illusion that everything needs to be perfect (and it doesn't hurt to be a girl scout sometimes) because I would've broken down then and there. Thus the explanation for the need of a second dress. 

Satin Twill Trumpet Style Mermaid Strapless Dress: Glitterati | Satin Crystal Belt: Glitterati | Crystal Head Dress: Glitterati | Silver Evening Bag: Bally | Jewelry: Earrings | Glitter Platform Peep Toe Heels: DAS

One thing everyone always reminds me (when I start to get uptight) is that the thing that is really hard and really amazing is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself. Now I always try to remember this because sometimes my constant need for control gets the best of me (especially because I was trained to always behave, dress up, speak and move with etiquette) but then recently, I've been giving in to true grit, some things are beyond my control and I've practiced being candid and real... I refuse to do things just to please people especially when they aren't in sync with who I am. I am not a people pleaser and I think that's quite clear. You see, perfectionism is an axis around which women (most especially) are expected to spin as we careen around our lives. Let's face it:  we have had major support and help in our development of our illusion of perfectionism. We have been so indoctrinated with this illusion that we end up carrying it into every aspect of our adult lives. 

On Illusions and Myths: As I realized (the hard way)- all too often this illusion of perfectionism- and a difficult and painful illusion it is indeed- feeds another myth- the myth that if we do more, we get more done. While it was beneficial for me in the case of the white bridesmaid dress, that's not the way it works. We always believed if we did more and more, we would get more done. Wrong. In fact, the opposite is true. The more we push ourselves, the less we get things done right and the quality of how we live our lives suffers,  Combined, the illusion of perfection and the myth that working longer and harder will make everything go the way we want it to, sets us up for disappointment because life doesn't work that way. Life is messy and sloppy and is as far from perfect. When I learned this little tidbit, it was quite a blow! While I am still learning to let go of certain pet peeves, I am far away from where I started and while my certain neuroses work to my advantage on rare occasions... most of the time they are just a waste of time. It's difficult when illusions and myths crumble. Especially when everything around us and everything we've been taught supports them! But their crumbling, like in my case, can open the door to new possibilities... and perhaps new relationships. And isn't that just grand?

xx, JL

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