The Happiness In Her Eyes

My only goal in life right now is to be happy. Genuinely, intensely and consistently happy, regardless of what that looks like to others...

 

It's Christmas time! I love everything about this season...probably because everyone seems to be jolly and happy and generous...and also because people are at that point where they are settling old scores and trying to close cycles in preparation for the New Year. It truly is the most wonderful time of the year! Aside from the festivities, one of my most favorite things about the Christmas season is the gifts. I love the gifts. Now, not to sound materialistic or something, because the gifts I mean are those that you can't purchase in a store or those that have monetary value. I've been raised in a loving family where the most fascinating and most important gifts are those that you don't have to buy and I think that personally, I prefer it that way. I am not one of those people who appreciate something expensive or costly to be given to me to make me happy... I think I am a more simple and practical person where effort is more appreciated over the cost. After all, if you are the kind of person who can have anything you want, what you want are the things that money can't buy and this actually requires more energy than having to go to a mall and buying something and paying for it at a counter. Now what gifts am I referring to? It can be anything from a simple smile, an apology from someone you had animosity towards (and a reconciliation), having good and unforgettable memories with people that will last a lifetime or perhaps being given another chance to make things right. I find those gifts more fascinating... don't you think?

Swing Out Sister

It's been a week long absence from posting because 1.)  schedule has been off the hook and 2.) there was no internet at home, my mom managed to survive through my ordeal by getting my postpaid tattoo and I consumed too much data and as per the Fair Usage Policy, I was using up too much bandwidth that my internet had to be slower to give a chance to others. For the Internet thing- I have to say that Dominique's cute but menacing cat, Kenzo was to blame as he chewed off the wire which took forever to fix and restore. Now as much as I love blogging, you see, I love living beings more so I spared Kenzo the rage blackout (not that he would understand why I was mad) and decided to just be. I was way too busy with work anyway and in my down time, I was actually able to do other things that I probably would unot have been able to had there been Internet as I would probably be too busy glued to the computer screen and browsing through sites and meandering. I thought I would not have survived all those days but it was actually refreshing as I got to read books, goof up with people (well, that I do with or without Internet so it doesn't really count actually) and of course actually bond and get to talk to people without having to multitask. I have a really difficult time compartmentalizing which is a debilitating side effect of my OCD so now that I had all the time not using the Internet, I got to concentrate on other things. A lot of freak accidents have happened the past days that I had to check if Mercury was in retrograde but apparently, it wasn't and there are just times that bad things happen all at the same time. The difference between letting it get to you or not depends solely on how you react to the things happening to you and rather than sulk, scowl and complain endlessly, I decided to go the road less traveled and used the time to be productive and it was good. I used the time to get to think up ideas and things (the one where I decided to have a cotton candy and popcorn in my booth in BU8 being one of them...but let's save that for another blog post!). It was all about your reaction to things that dictate how it will affect you and I am happy with how I was able to turn a dire situation into something positive. My, my. Is it just me or have I seriously changed so much? I like how I am responding to things in such a zen-like manner so let all the good juju flow. I need that a lot this December!

Just Like A Dream

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” 

- H. Jackson Brown

I believe that no matter how irrelevant, we must not only chase our dreams... but make them reality. Call it optimism or idealism, but I would like to think that dreams do country... if you work hard for them. The day I wore this outfit was exactly that...like a dream. I never thought I would enjoy the day being in a place that was cold (yes, bring me anywhere cold and I am not a happy girl). But then I came to realize that sometimes, it isn't so much about where you are or what is around you but so much about being with the people you care and love most. This day was like that. For lack of a better way to explain it, allow me to go in detail. I am in a much better place now. I know it sounds silly, but I think I am at a place where everything turned out to be right for me, all my problems have not exactly been solved but I have come to accept them as they are and I am finally finally happy... I find that the progress I’ve made in my life and the adult that I’m becoming has made me more aligned as an individual- I finally know what matters to me and what doesn't simply because I got my life on track and opened myself up to so many new possibilities. I didn't really know how to go about this all before as I seemed to always distract myself with unnecessary things. I was basically going through life as if in a daze because I didn't know any other way to go about it. However, once it was clear to me what I wanted to do and the person I wanted to be, it set the path for me to move forward and make my dreams real. There is no better feeling than finally knowing what you want and going through the process of trying to get it.

A Better Version Of Me

Lately, I've been more than busy as I have decided to get up and go to the office and work from there. I once heard this popular saying that goes, “Find something you love to do, and you'll never work a day in your life” and I now that I am finally part of the workforce, I have a deeper understanding of this saying. Well, aside from the fact that I absolutely do enjoy going to work and of course, what I do, I am also quite happy to be also challenged to dress up more creatively. I never quite got it then but my outfits have always been more loud and playful even when I was in my early twenties well much into even after I turned 25. I guess that's what having your own business and being your own boss is all about: the perks. Eventually though, I had to outgrow that stage. My friend, Jamm, told me a few days ago that she has noticed that my outfit choice and style has metamorphosed into a more mellow and neutral palette... I must admit I have been going for less loud color schemes and more structured and architectural silhouettes and I didn't really think anyone would notice it because I was actually doing it on purpose... but hey, it worked apparently as it was pretty noticeable to the people around me. I grew up... my outfit choices grow up with me... but that doesn't mean you would be spared the shock of an altogether different look. As I say, my style is very bipolar and hypomanic but also, the things going on in my life play a great role in how I choose what to wear.  Now that I am experiencing how it is like to be part of the workforce (even if I am Executive Director, I am still answerable to people) and find the need to perform. Given that, I have been choosing ensembles that are more appropriate as office attire as I think how I carry myself in the office also represents the organization I am in. I think that it is all about the entire package when I get into something. I don't quite understand the concept of half-baked.

The Merry-Go-Round

“I am suddenly consumed by nostalgia for the little girl who was me, who loved the fields and believed in God, who spent winter days home sick from school reading Nancy Drew and sucking menthol cough drops, who could keep a secret.”