Jan 1, 2015

The Rest Is Still Unwritten...

Today is the first blank page blog. 
I have decided that this time around, I am writing a good one.

My mom and I were talking earlier today at 2:30 am (yes, unlike everyone else, I decided to spend my New Year after the clock struck 12 midnight at home...) and she asked me about what it was about my never ending obsession for sunrises. Again, yes, I am one of those people who bask in the dawn and absolutely love witnessing the sun ascend on the horizon. I have never been a sunset kind of girl. Probably, I surmise, it's because I hate endings but am absolutely obsessed about new beginnings. Granted that, I guess that by now, you would know that I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE new years. I love the fact that I am closing the chapter of one whole year behind me... no matter how good, bad or average it has been... I like that kind of closure. There is something about it that I find so fascinating. I love the feeling of at least being able to be given the chance of starting over again (even if everyone says there is no such thing as do-overs) and I love having a fresh 365-days ahead of me... filled with (and I say that with so much hope)- new chances...new experiences. A new year comes in and with it... the possibilities are endless.

 I once stumbled upon this quote that goes, "An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up until midnight to make sure the old one leaves..." Right now, granted everything that has happened, I am not quote sure which side of the pole I belong to... perhaps (and probably) a combination of both. To explain myself more clearly- I am happy and thankful for everything that I have been through and at the same time, I am looking forward to see what life has in store for me. "Cheers to a new year...another chance of getting things right..." I think Oprah said that or something.

Now if you have been reading my blog since I first started posting, one common denominator in all my New Year's Eve outfits would be sparkles. I can't quite remember an NYE celebration without the metallic, shiny sequins. Honestly. Don't believe in me? Here's a run down...

So I think I've pretty much proven myself as the Queen of New Year's Shining Shimmery Splendid Dresses and I don't quote remember how exactly that tradition of mine started but ever since I started, it's been a style staple...another one of those traditions I privately have on my own. True to form, I decided to keep up with the tradition in a tamer and more mature way... this outfit is something I envision Carolina Herrera would wear on New Year's Eve...granted she is the queen of crisp button down shirts.

Button Down Black Blouse: Zara
Rose Gold Fully Sequined Long Skirt with Slit: Glitterati
Ankle Strap Platform Shoes in Nude: Casadei
Rose Gold Miniaudiere: Vintage Italian
Pearls: Mikimoto
Head Dress: DIY by Celyn
Bangle: BVLGARI and My Collection
Watch: Patek Philippe

As sentimental as I consider myself to be about New Year... (Yes, complete with the waterworks and the ugly crying)... I know myself well enough to understand and live by the adage: New Year, SAME me... I know that is something difficult to say but it's the truth...as inconvenient as it may be. Allow me to present the facts... Here is the thing- it is not going to be all that simple. When the clock hits 12 midnight and it is officially the first of January 2015 (no matter what timezone you operate on...), you are NOT miraculously going to be a different person than you are back in the 31st of December. You are not going to suddenly be faster, smarter, prettier, stronger or better than you were on December 31. There won't be magical and miraculous developments or career opportunities or sudden luck thrown at you just waiting for you on the other side. Things will be the same. I know that may be disheartening considering it is the first day of 2015 and I am sure you all are wondering what I am going to be writing about. I am going to write about this moment. HERE. I am currently in my room in somewhat of a champagne-induced daze and my mind decided to think about mathematics and realize the statistics: A year. 12 months. 52 weeks. 365 days...well unless it's a leap year which it definite not... (I checked...)

The thing about New Year is that it isn't so much in the whole process of it (if you take it literally) but probably more on the symbolism it holds. Perhaps with the start of a new year, a popular thing to do is claim possession of it. My feed on social networks were all revolving around the theme about 2015 being their year, that they are grabbing it and that this is it. I am not in any way judgmental about that as I love it when people are motivated... it is such a lovely mindset. Unfortunately (and I hate to be the one to break it to you...) 2015 will not change anything... UNLESS YOU ACTUALLY DO. I do hope you make new year's goals because the new year stands before us like a chapter in a book- waiting to be written and we can help write that story by setting a new purpose and aspiration for ourselves.

This new year, much like all the previous ones, will have its share of opportunities and set backs. If there is someone, something or somewhere you want to be and perhaps, right now is a great time as any to make progressive moves. Sure, motivation is an easy thing to have on January 1st...it's a piece of cake. But before setting exaggerated goal for yourself- I do hope you realize that ABOVE ALL, a new year gives us hope- Hope for happiness...hope for change... hope to be given the chance to chase our dreams. This year can give you all these things...if you are willing to work for it. But hopelessly, the best thing we can hope for is that this new year could challenge us to face our fears. Perhaps this year, we ought to walk through the facets of our lives... not looking for flaws but for potential.

A year ago, I was in a relationship that I thought was good.  I thought has was the right one, my forever. A step back made me realize that this was not true. Could I blame it on him? Perhaps for how it ended: YES but for how I purposefully I chose to allow it to drag on: No. I was slowly questioning my life and my happiness and subtly and subconsciously finding ways to get out. Then one day it clicked. Life is too short to suffer. I was the keeper of my own happiness and I was the only one who could make a change. Now, I am single and happy. I no longer feel suffocated and begging to please. I am being selfish for the first time and I have learned to concentrate on so many important things. I have made amends and reconciled with people who I have fallen out with and now I have realized who my true friends are. I am happier than I have ever been. A year ago feels like a lifetime ago but I will never forget what being unhappy has taught me. It's okay to cry and take control of your sadness. It is okay to walk away from everything you have ever known. You will be okay. Although I have made quite a lot of changes in my life, I believe that there is always something to learn. This year, I am going to continue to grow and learn from my experiences and keep on changing. After the next 365 days, I plan to see new things, keep on working for my advocacy to grow, meet new people and make new acquaintances. I am slowly learning to be content with being alone so perhaps this year would be a good time to focus on myself and my mindfulness. Be more kind and patient to the people around me, be more kind to myself. This new year, like with every year that will follow it, will be a year to grow.

I sincerely hope that you learn from me. Do not let time fly by. Take hold of the new 365 days before you and make the best of this time and decide what you really want in life. This can be about moving forward or staying right where you are. Don't make resolutions you know you won't be following. Don't make a list of things you want to change. Just do it. Live life each day striving for what you want. Make the most out of this year. And a year from now, in 2016, I hope that you won't look back with regret wishing that you had.

To end this very first entry of 2015, allow me to say that I really sincerely hope that this new year is life-changing, world-shaping, wonderful, purposeful, awe inspiring, incredible, fantastic, magnificent, extraordinary, blessed, thrilling, grace-filled, jubilant, delicious, unbelievable, marvelous, astonishing, mind-blowingly spectacular and ridiculously happy. And most of all, I do hope that it is YOUR choice to make it so. Leave nothing to chance. 

As for me, my very first realization for this year, is that in every decision, action or choice I make, I have nobody else to be accountable to but myself and that at the end of the day... when I am to re-evaluate, I just want to make sure I like the person I've become... the person I am supposed to be...the person I always was.

xx, JL

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