Dec 10, 2013

Head In The Clouds But My Gravity's Centered

Long Suit Vest: Zara | Black Tank Top: Forever21 | Origami Skort: Zara | Neon Necklace: Ever New | Swarovski Rhinestone Necklace: Ever New | Neon Pink Luggage Tote Bag: Celine | White Strappy Shoes: Alexander Wang | Hamsa Bracelets: Therapy

I may not be the most relate-able person when it comes to dressing (as I have quite a different and undefined sense of style) but I do like to believe what I say, appeals to people and that makes me more human. If you were at the Bloggers United 6 Bazaar last weekend and if you were one of the many people I met, took a photo with or signed am autograph for, I do hope you realized how absolutely approachable I am and more importantly, a more than normal and definitely not your average person (but still a person nonetheless). I am not some stuck-up holier-than-thou girl who won't give you my time... I am actually quite easy to deal with, I love making friends and meeting new people and I really do make it a priority to look amazing to meet and greet the people who read my blog. Thank you to everyone who have tweeted, tagged me on Facebook and Instagram and thank you to everyone who came. Your support, kind words and genuine support have left me in awe. I never thought that just by being "ME", I can elicit reactions of shock and tearfulness upon people approaching me... I always thought I was just rambling... but meeting everyone was something so special and I sincerely thank every one who visited me that day. I am so blessed to have you all as my followers. I hope I didn't disappoint and as always, it was enchanting to meet each and every one of you 

One of the ways that I can reclaim my power and my person is to admit my mistakes. You see, sometimes, in all the ways we have been taught to glorify ourselves, we have forgotten how helpful it is to sit down and make a list of people we have wronged (and yes, that includes ourselves) and to make amends with those with whom it is possible and where it would not harm them to do so. 

"Of all the idiots I have met in my life, and the Lord knows that they have not been few or little. I think that I have been the biggest." 

-Isak Dinesen
I do not blog to make myself more likeable nor do I blog to gain admiration or praise. I do not glorify myself just to make people thing I am better than anyone else. That is perhaps not a motivation but rather a by-product (an unexpected one as I am self-deprecating) of doing what I do... in my own terms. My profound honesty and even my extraordinary talent of admitting how utterly flawed and damaged I am is apparently something people find endearing, as they consider me real, someone they can perhaps relate to. Trust me on this, what a clean feeling it is to accept and own my life and not beat myself up for the mistakes I have made! How good it feels to let those I have harmed know that I am aware of what I have done and that I genuinely wish to own and change my behavior, and do what I can to live clearer and cleaner in the future. We all make mistakes and as much as we want to believe we don't or won't, we do and we will. It is part of the process of life. Admitting our mistakes and making amends are powerful tools for reclaiming ourselves.

To ache with my own forgiveness is to be wholly accepting of myself. None of us, no matter how far up a pedestal we've put ourselves, is without need for forgiveness. We all have done injury to those closest to us. This is one of the most painful aspects of our lives: we hurt the ones we love the most. We end up hurting ourselves when we hurt those we love. This is why when we are preparing to make amends to ourselves and to forgive ourselves for the wrongs we have done. Only then can we be truly ready to make our amends to others. Some people forget to do Step 1... but at least they tried and I can at least give them credit for that. Most people, which is the sad reality of life, don't even realize they have anything to be sorry for. These people are unfortunately living in denial and can never be truly happy, in the way that people who have transcended past themselves can be. Because when you allow yourself to accept things as they are and not as how you want them to be, there is indeed so much beauty in our forgiveness of ourselves. We can be simple, direct and without fanfare when it comes to forgiveness of ourselves. We are all need of forgiveness... of ourselves, most of all. 

Life is filled with the necessity for forgiveness. Since we are broaching the topic, allow me to expand from forgiveness of oneself to granting forgiveness to others. There is not one woman on this planet who has not been faced with the option of holding on to old hurts and resentments or moving into forgiveness. It is important to remember that forgiveness is not an event. Forgiveness is a process. 

First comes the hurt and anger, I happen to believe that it is important to give our hurt and anger their due. If we don't, they will just go underground and secretly smolder. Forgiving too soon can result in a "head" forgiveness, which counts for nothing. How many of us know all to well that fury rises like a thermometer within us until our vocal chords quiver and our eyes turn a bright red and then glaze over? Young children and animals should know better to scatter at times like these. Perhaps most passive aggressive people don't know this...but I was never passive aggressive so in this aspect, I am quite experienced. Some of us roll up the windows and scream in our cars on the highways. Some of us wait until no one is around and scream into our pillows. Some of us just scream. Most of us thought we are crazy at these times. We are not. We are just alive and responding to something stressful that happened in our lives. 
There is absolutely no problem with going into our anger and pain full speed- unless of course, like some people, you plan to hold on to it, savor it, enjoy it and indulge.

Then move on. Take the time to work through the feelings and heal. Working through feelings and healing can never be done on a schedule. While we are through this process, we can let others know that even if we want to forgive, we're just not there yet. We need to respect ourselves. We go through feelings of resignation... despair... a sadness in lost possibilities. When this happens, it is time to take stock and realign our priorities. We seem to have wandered off our path... perhaps we have forgotten what our path was. Maybe it is time to feel the grief of lost opportunities and and stagnating minds. Life often teaches us through our wrong turns and missed possibilities. The feeling of sadness and the process of navigating through it may well be the door to a new beginning. But we will never go through the new door if we do not let ourselves go through the grief and the sadness. And as we let ourselves feel our grief and pain, we will truly have the opportunity to step onto a new path and to explore our lives. I have come to realize and accept this simple thing: my grief and pain are mine. I have earned them. They are part of me. Only in feeling them do I open myself to the lessons they can teach. If we honor our process of hurt, anger, and healing, one day, without our even realizing it, we will feel like we have stepped out of a dark tunnel and then we will know we have forgiven. 

xx, JL

No comments :

Post a Comment

I would love to hear what you have to say.
So, send in your love.