I Know Places We Can Hide

There are some places in life where you can only go alone. Some steps that need to be taken alone. It’s the only way to really figure out where you need to go and who you need to be.  Embrace the beauty of your solo journey.

As much as I love my job with so much zeal and passion, I have to admit that I can't do it 24/7 and that being human and all... I also need to take a break. I've always lived with that mindset that when I start something, I need to finish it so I tend to fixate on things which makes me anxious and very neurotic. I am one of those people who sometimes forget to take a break until I burn out. Thankfully, I was able to find a way to have that much sought after work-life balance and I don't feel guilty or like a slacker when I take breaks. More so, the activities I engage in are more wholesome and enriching and I am happy to have matured...finally. I look back at my past self and can't believe that huge disparity between the person I used to be and the activities I used to do and the person that I am now and the activities I make time for. I've learned to prioritize, to keep a level head and to know there is a great big world out there. This necessary awakening was a result of taking much needed time off boys and dating. I guess I have to thank my ex-boyfriends and my break-ups for giving me the chance to be alone so I can grow on my own... and so far, I like the person that I am. I am more calm and stable. I am no longer impulsive and I've managed to understand the concept of applying myself despite a few setbacks I have. At some point, I also stopped feeling sorry for myself and actually carried on and did something with my life. I figured out what I want to be and where I belong and this level of transcendence and self-actualization would not have been in any way possible had I stayed in a relationship because I learned to stop defining my happiness and myself with the person I was with. Now I can say that the source of my happiness and contentment comes from myself and my advocacy. Suffice to say, I learned to depend on myself and I think I needed that a lot. I wouldn't be able to do all these things and realize all these unless I was all by myself. It's a funny thing when people say that when "God closes a door, he opens a window," because after spending sufficient time reflecting, I think the more appropriate thing to say is that when "God closes a door and shuts the window... it's because He is building an entirely new and better house for yourself..." And isn't that just a lovely thought?

Nude Awakening

“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.
Delicious Ambiguity.”

I used to be such a control freak that every step was carefully planned, every outfit was thought of in advance and I refused to be caught off guard. The thing with being that way is that the sad but unavoidable reality that in life, you are never in control and to assume you are, simply opens you up for major disappointment. I came, I controlled (or tried) and I failed and got a harsh lesson and now I am just going with the flow and taking life as it is. I still crave for control (that's just me and I can't control it---okay for lack of a better term to use...) but now I know when to sit back and relax and let things unfold  before me without having to intervene. I simply trust the vibes I get... because at the end of the day, energy doesn't lie. As for being on top of everything, the rude awakening that one never can be and the sooner you accept that, the better as you strip yourself off the pretense (as comforting as the illusion of having control is) and then you're left to deal with yourself in rawest and purest form possible... that kind of explains my title on nude awakenings...because believe it or not... being stripped off all the false pretenses that somehow reassure you or lull you into a false sense of security is what one needs.