Jun 8, 2014

Sweet Disposition

“Sometimes you fall, spinning through space, grasping for the things that keep you on this earth. Sometimes you catch them. They can be the hands of the people you love. They can be your pets- pups with funny names, cats with ferocious old souls. The thing that keeps you here can be your art. It can be things you have collected and invested with a certain sense of meaning. A flowered, buckled treasure chest of secrets. Shoes that make you taller and, therefore, closer to the heavens. A suit that belonged to your fairy godmother. A dress that makes you feel a little like the Goddess herself. Sometimes you keep falling; you don't catch anything.Sometimes you fall, spinning through space, grasping for the things that keep you here. Sometimes you catch them. Sometimes you don't. Sometimes they catch you.” 

- Francesca Lia Block, Necklace of Kisses

I Fell Apart And Got Back Up Again.
It took me 24 hours, a week, a month... who knows? I didn't really keep track... all I know is that when I fell, I immediately tried my best to get back up again... it was a slow process...I don't know if I am back standing or back to how I was but I do know for sure I am so far officially up from the floor. That's the thing about falling down... the challenge is to get back up and wait for the next thing that is going to knock you down. This, unfortunately, is the cycle of life and what matters is that the number of times you get back up must be much more than the times you fall... that's the formula to survival. Always pick yourself up, if anything.

This cycle of falling down and getting back up takes a toll on someone. That is why I have always loved new beginnings... the promise of a new season holds the promise of new things to blossom and if you're stuck in a rut... isn't that something to look forward to? The good thing about life is that even if it hasn't really happened yet- there are events that will remind you that a tomorrow, a new day, a new season and a future is inevitable. Twice a year, women and men who move around the fashion circle and industry leave the past behind (and the unavoidable faux pas we've committed) and look forward to the future... this is know as Fashion Week and while I am quite selective of which shows I attend, I am absolutely happy to have made time to see the designs of up and coming designers in a fashion show collaboration. The best way to watch a show is always in front row and I have to thank the team behind Clozette for having me as their Brand Ambassador and for allowing me to see the up and coming Holiday 2014 collections along with my fellow ambassadors, Dominique, Vern and Verniece. It was a nice distraction and the visual delicacy it provided was decadent. 
I felt that I was back.

You see, things fall apart and when it happens, you won't want to believe it. You'll take their word for it when they say they're busy, tired, swamped with so much things to do. You will make excuses for them... probably even put your ringer on loud in case they call... it feels as if you're almost perpetually on call... whenever they feel like it, you make yourself readily available. But you will still feel the change and because if you are like me, your coping mechanisms include intellectualization, you can't rationalize it...so you'll try to ignore it instead. Sometimes there is no huge fight that marks the ending of something. No falling out, no major disagreement... Sometimes it just falls apart for no good reason (actually looking back, you will eventually find out the reason way later on...). Distance. New Relationships. Priorities. Somehow, these can become more important than the connection you share. I know they shouldn't but they do. And the truth is that as get older, we tend to downsize, prioritize, trim the corners of our lives, keeping what's important and discarding what is not. Sometimes, people stop needing you in their lives and it is not even a conscious decision. I would still like to be optimistic and believe that no one wakes up in the morning actively thinking, "Hmm, I think I'll stop being with so-and-so today." I think it just slowly goes out with an empty fizz. 

With the exception of my own most recent personal experience, there are times when nobody is at fault. As for me, I don't have a silver lining for how it all went down (and that is quite really disheartening considering I've been Team Silver Lining ever since before). In life, it is a given that you will lose people. People will flow in and out the window like a breeze and sometimes for no reason at all. But losing someone important to you will feel like a sucker punch every single time, and you will never see it coming. It will hurt. That is a part of life. But do wait it out because it will be okay. These things happen. Things fall apart.  People fall apart and for certain,you will too. But with every fiber of your being, I hope you don't lose common sense and have enough love for yourself that I hope you manage to get yourself back up. Crawl if you have to. Hang on to anything that might make it easier. Take your time. But do stand up. Because once you do so, trust me, the view from here- after all the realizations and lessons you've picked up along the way- is amazing.

Pale Pink Blazer: Mango | Cotton A-line Short Sleeved Dress: Zara | Bamboo Canvas Sling Bag: Gucci | Necklace: Ever New and Zalora | Powder Pink Ankle Strap Shoes: Zara | Rings: Forever 21

xx, JL

Photos from Philippine Fashion Week

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