I had no idea it would be this much.
I had no idea I could handle it.
I had no idea how beautiful it all actually is.
A lot of people have been commenting on how my aura is radiating of positivity recently and though I hadn't really done anything drastic, I don't know why this has been the main compliment I have been getting from people...Not that I am complaining. I don't actually know how to describe it except for the fact that I have decided to be unapologetically myself and when I decided to be that, there was no further decision to make... everything fell into place. You see, a lot of us tend to take this for granted but incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don't. So where do I begin? To start off, I can't force people to love me or to even like me as I have no control over how people perceive things. However, I do have control on the fact that I can make space for those who matter and who appreciate me for who I am and for the mere fact that there are people who support me in the highs and the lows of my life mean so much to me. I considered myself blessed... and on that Sunday... I was truly enchanted to meet some of you. I never really expected that people would approach me and ask for my signature or a photo with me and be so happy with the mere fact they finally got to meet me. It wasn't exactly on my mind when I signed up on publicly sharing my thoughts and photos online but it fascinates me that there are people who read my ramblings and my stories and can relate and learn from it. It gives me so much satisfaction to know that. And it surprises me how much people actually know about me and can notice such minor things like how I changed my hair color or how I have a boo-boo on my left arm and how I feel and if I am handling the demise of a relationship well. The thing is, I always thought that whenever I type random things in this blog, I was just sending it out to the universe...it never actually really occurred to me that so many people read what I say and what I wear or what I am going through and actually remember it. It is such a big deal to me, seriously... you have no idea.
Criss Cross Cut Out Satin Cropped Bustier Top: Suiteblanco
Off White Midi Skirt: Details
Bleu Electrique Birkin 35 Bag: Hermes
Ankle Strap White and Black Pumps: Saint Laurent
Midi Rings: Pretty Little Blings
Evil Eye Pave Beaded Gold and Blue Bangle: C.Wonder
Anyway, in my line of work (even if it is part-time), twice a year, I am given the chance, along with those who are in the same field as me, to gather in one venue and get to meet our readers and at the same time, showcase and auction off our pre-loved items that we've worn and experienced life events in to those who want to avail of them. This is called Bloggers United and I've been full force supportive of this event that when they told me we were doing it again, the 8th time around, I said "Yes" without having to think twice. The fact that I get to find my clothes a new home is an added bonus but the main focus of the event is that I get to interact with my readers and followers and meet them and at the same time, get surprised about how updated they actually are on my life. I have always been quite a transparent person, sometimes to my disadvantage, but after speaking to those who follow my style blog religiously, I have to admit it was all worth it. It was a magical day. The main topic everyone seemed to keep tabs with was that I was wearing my Bleu Electrique Hermes Birkin 35 which I dubbed and christened as my #breakupBirkin. Okay, so I didn't coin the term myself since it was first used by Dorothy Wang of Rich Kids of Beverly Hills (a series I watched due to the endless recommendation of my followers) and true to their predictions, I do have certain things in common with her and certain mannerisms which may make you go: "That's so JL!" It's cute really and I appreciate it. A major common thing is that as a reward for myself...basically to feel good and happy for managing to stay clean after my self-mandated detoxification from relationships and dating in general...it's been ten months and I've stayed clean and more than that, I am at my happiest! So I decided to get myself a Cobalt Blue Birkin which I have been pining for since forever... Of course, when I ordered it, I was corrected and was told the precise name was Bleu Electrique for which I apologized and said that I stand corrected. But anyway it has been a long time coming. I ordered mine after the demise of my most recent relationship which was over 10 months ago and when I finally got it, it was like I was a kid in a candy store. My happiness could not be contained and I decided that I had to wear it to this event since it has been a hot topic of conversation on my ask.fm site and since Bloggers United has always been an important event for me that I clear my schedule for it so I thought it was the perfect time to debut it since as you know, I love dressing up to show my appreciation and my respect for people especially those who came to meet and greet me and my faux twin Domz. I wanted the bright blue to stand up so I wore a black and white ensemble which was the main theme of mine in Domz' matching outfits: Black, Blanc (White) and Birkin. As my breakup was one which was very unpleasant and truly rotten experience for me, I decided I wanted to give myself time to love myself again and giving myself this gift solidified said self-love. Toting this Birkin on my hand will be a constant reminder not to let something or someone so stupid to affect my life and that I have survived much and will probably survive anything life throws at me.
Since it was a way to also give thanks to my readers and followers, we both decided to put up our very own cotton candy and popcorn machines which we have away for free... for no other reason that I simply wanted to give people a treat for supporting me and for being there through the years. Most of you who were there and who I met and took a few selfies and photos with thanked me for being such an inspiration to them and their lives. Of course, I couldn't voice it out at that time as I was in shock over the support, it was a good idea to have a cotton candy and popcorn stand and hand them out for free... as my way to say that I love you, thank you for supporting me and more importantly, thank you for being an inspiration to my life as well. You all have no idea about it but your continued support and the mere fact that you send me such lovely messages and emails especially when I am going through something tough actually lifts my spirits up. Believe it or not, my followers and readers have been a source of strength and motivation for me to keep marching on and it's time to give back. Trust me though, this will be a staple four Blogger's United bazaars in our booth in the future.
I have never set our for fame and popularity when I started blogging back in 2007. Sometimes, it bothers me when people ask me why I am not as famous as *INSERT SOME RANDOM NAME HERE* when I have been in the industry longer. I've said this before but allow me to reiterate that I blog because I am passionate about fashion and dressing up. I love doing it. It takes so much of my time. I get excited doing this. It was never part of my goal or my plan to start a career in the entertainment industry, to earn money, to run elbows with the society's cream of the crop or to be popular. I have a career, my own business and I am currently in too deep with my philanthropic work and the cause I am advocating. I am also an introvert...dealing with so many people on a constant basis drains me. I know how to earn my keep without having to sacrifice my self worth. I do not want to make enemies and I am happy for other people who have used this avenue to get to other fields. I applaud these people and respect them and what they have achieved because those things deserve praise and applause. As for my case, whatever I wear or put on myself is something I am proud to be donning and something I believe in. You can't force me to wear and support something I do not believe in and I will not sell out just like that. I was raised to believe integrity as a measure of a person's character versus popularity so it's okay that I am as I am. I am loving my life and I am living it the way I want to... and there is nothing more I could ask for. I am just someone sharing myself to whoever is interested as I go along. I have learned that: A meaningful life is not about being rich, being popular, being well-traveled or cultured or being perfect. It is about being real, being humble, being able to share oneself and touch the lives of others. It is only then that we could have a full, happy and content life.
And as much as I love my "break-up Birkin" (and trust me, I love it a lot... as in a lot... as in it probably replaced the love I would otherwise give another man) having it is nothing compared with realizing that my life has a deeper and more meaningful purpose.
Photos by: Celyn