Dec 22, 2014

Blank Space

I crave space. It charges my batteries. It helps me breathe. Being around people can be so exhausting, because most of them love to take and barely know how to give. Except for a rare few.
Sometimes, you just need to be alone and I have absolutely no problem with that. I actually love that... and I think that it's okay to be that way. Contrary to popular belief, it does not mean that something is wrong with you or in your life. You see, sometimes, you simply need to create the space to soul search, think, rest and just BE. I don't think you need to apologize for needing or taking this space. At the end of the day, it is part of what makes you a happy healthy person. The thing I realized is that you can't always keep on dealing with people every second... There are times that you have got to stand alone...if for anything- just to find out how damn strong you are...even if it is longer than expected. For an introvert like me, that comes easy... I thrive on this scenario. However, not everyone is like me and if you fall into the other category and are an extrovert, this is something that would be very hard to do. I have seen it all too often and I have to admit that I have been guilty as well of creating distractions just so I don't have to face my problem...and simply sweep it under the rug. I mean ultimately, isn't that the easiest route to go through? Denial? After facing problems heads on, gun blazing... it came to a point that I just got really tired and burnt out. At some point, I wasn't even quite sure anymore what I was fighting for anymore and that was when I decided that what I needed was some time in a beautiful place to clear my head. I also believe that sometimes, the best way to appreciate something is to be without it for awhile. Clarity, peace, serenity are very important things to find...don't you think?

Cap Sleeved Red Silk Top: K2
Red Garter Midi Skirt: H&M
Gold 2.55 Bag: Chanel
Gold Metallic Ankle Strap Pointed Shoes:
Watch: Rolex
Necklace and Midi Rings: Pretty Little Blings 

Anyway, another concept of space (which is why the title to this post is Blank Space) is because I had the privilege of taking this photo in the newly constructed storage facility in one of our business' building and there was so much space... it was so strange. I say that because in this city, everything is always congested...especially now that the holidays are looming and everyone seems to want to always be out of the house to do some Christmas shopping. Being in a place with such vast emptiness was so different from what I am used to. Someone once asked me if I was claustrophobic (I think it was on and I replied that I was actually the opposite as I was afraid of big spaces so I hope you can appreciate the effort it took for me to take my outfit shots in this setting which made me a bit antsy. I find it funny actually- the lengths I would go (and I'm sure other bloggers can relate) just to take the perfect shot. My staff has a term for it- "buwis buhay" mode just to take the right photos. It was coined after they put me on top of a hill where I could've easily rolled off, when they placed me on  cliff with torrential waves splashing while I was decked in a gown and all or that time they ask me to go up a tree trunk since the middle part of it was the perfect place to take my outfit shot. It's crazy...really... but you risk it to get the shot and I am glad I did. Doing these things take me out of my comfort zone and face my fears, which is, of course a good thing. Anyway, I wore this all red ensemble for Part One of our company's Christmas parties held in one of our offices in an Industrial Science Park. Since my dad has a thing for the color red, he mandated that everyone should come in the color red so I immediately scrambled around to look for a red outfit as I already had an outfit planned for the occasion but had to heed to his impromptu mandate. Everyone was in red that it almost felt like we were celebrating Chinese New Year and not Christmas... everyone except my dad... I find that it was a good strategy to stand out from the crowd and I am thinking I should take some pointers from him. 

Anyway, as you can see, the space is very blank. But it was too beautiful and new to ignore that I had to shoot my red on red on gold ensemble. My Personal Assistant, Celyn, also decided it was the perfect place to take the shot as the background was perfect for what I am wearing. Since I am a very dutiful and obedient subject for photos, I decided to go for it and pose like there was no tomorrow. Despite the risk of a panic attack, I am happy since the photos turned out beautiful and the fear on my face wasn't so obvious. As for my outfit, I already explained the "something red" theme... Domz, Celyn, Armi, Patricia and I looked like we were going to perform since we were all in the same shade of red. Now if you noticed, when it comes to separates, I usually don't go for the same color of both articles of clothing (top and bottom). My rational for that is that if you were going to do that, might as well wear a dress. I broke my own rules though (which I have a habit of doing) since the beautiful top which had an open back was the perfect match for my stretch midi skirt. It was just paired so perfectly that I had to wear it together. To break the red on red theme, I added gold to contrast the color while at the same time, maintaining the rather festive look to my outfit. I mean, nothing spells holidays more than shiny and metallic things right? It was a good thing that I decided to risk it and move out of my comfort zone in this aspect.
Now back to huge spaces, the psychologically-accepted term for my intense fear of wide open spaces is Agoraphobia and I think that his phobia has so much to do with the concept of having control. I love being in control most of the time. I find it comforting to call the shots and have the ability to regulate what goes and I think I was born that way. I've been used to mapping out things in my life and making plans of how things should be and when they don't go as planned (which always happens), I feel helpless and stressed out. Sometimes, I have to say, I am so busy making plans for my life that I actually don't get to live it. At some point, everything I had so carefully planned out for myself didn't happen as I wanted it to and that was when I ultimately realized that when it comes to life... you were never ever in control anyway... and that at the end of the day, we are all just winging it. Coincidentally, I put Blank Space as the title of this blog post because aside from the many videos of me singing that song which I am sure everyone is already so sick of watching (I exceeded the video quota), it also symbolizes the fact that as of now, when it comes to making plans and getting disappointed when they don't push through, I have resolved to leave the space blank and let things unfold as they should. After all, I've said multiple times I needed a breather and some space to do "me" first and to be consistent with my plan to do so, I might as well stop all the planning and let things be. While some changes may look negative on the surface... a realization that you will have is that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge and we must welcome that space if we want to see what is in store for us. A change is a good rest.

At the end of the day, you need to be alone for a while and you need some space. You can't always keep on dealing with people every second. You should be done caring about people who don't care about you because if you do, you end up spending too much time everyone else is happy...except for yourself. Sometimes, you need to stand alone, if for anything...just to know how damn strong you are... even if it's longer than expected. So I would advice that you stand up on your own and show the world what you are truly made of.

I've got a blank space baby...and I intend to keep it that way for now. I refuse to write a name just yet.

Photos by: Celyn
xx, JL

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