Sep 2, 2014

This is letting go

It's time to let go. Who has heard this from someone who cares for them? Who has said it to someone they care about? I am sure at one point in anyone's life, they were on both the receiving and sending end of this saying. The thing with letting go is that most of the time, it is easier said than done. Somehow, we are wired to hang on to things even if the only thing keeping us from falling to the inevitable is the fact that we are hanging by a thread. Then it breaks and we are left with no choice but to stop hanging on... it's always better to jump than to free fall because at least you have control of the former. The thing is I have spent most of my life heavily invested on this idea of control that it is hard for me to let go. I think I need to fix things and handle things even if they are beyond repair. My least favorite feeling in the world is powerlessness and being "out of control" is never an option for me especially since I realized at a young age that I have terrible coping mechanisms. It doesn't sound easy and it is not in any way a fun life. However, recently, I have been aligning myself and putting things in perspective... I've realized that to avoid stressful situations and major diva-style meltdowns, I need to be more flexible, more capable of going with the flow and of course with that comes the ability of learning the art of letting go.

I think this outfit best shows this new point of view in life that I have been experiencing. If you notice in my recent blog posts, I've been taking more risks. I've left the comfort of my home for outfit shots and I've been experimenting on more natural and less fierce/rigid outfits and poses. I've been playing around with my outfit shots and I've been having more fun with it which shows a completely different side of me... yes, I can exist without having to be posh and prim and all proper. I like being captured in my most natural self and this is so much of what this photo is about. In this shot, I am wearing my favorite Infatuation bikini with layers and layers of candy-colored striped chiffon fabric. It would be one of my poolside looks because aside from the tried and tested coverup, it's also nice to wear a pretty skirt that is semi sheer without having to be too revealing. The things that I absolutely love about this entire look is the skirt as it was made of very light and flowy fabric and it moved with me as I did my poses and every time the wind would blow, it would fly and move with the wind and it was so beautiful. Looking at these shots made me realize how I actually wanted to be: less controlled/ stiff and more easy-breezy... capable of going through life, no matter where the wind blows. 

Criss-cross Infatuation Bikini: Glitterati
Striped Chiffon Flowy Maxi Skirt: Glitterati
Blue Statement Necklace: Nicole Whisenhunt (Also worn HERE

After a series of breakups, makeups, and things falling apart, it has become crystal clear that control was an illusion we create to think we are safe. Sure, it feels good to think that you can steer the wheel and have your life be placed on a beautifully lit track and the rest will just follow. Life doesn't go that way. You can control and try to micromanage all you want but at the end of the day, life will go whichever way it wants and the only thing you can do is choose how you react to the chaos. The answer to that was simple: the trick was to keep breathing. Breathing means you are alive and it means you have life and that hopefully that life is full of vibrance. Nobody teaches you how to breathe- you were born in the earth with that instinct. You continue to breathe despite suffering, pain and grief, and just as well, you do so through smiles, laughter and moments of joy. Breathing drives us to go on. It shows that life never stops, life moves on and you better try your best to move on along with it. Effectively, life keeps you going and you have no other choice but to keep your life going. Inevitably, you will realize that whatever it is you are holding on to is only holding you back and there will come a point when you can not hold on any longer. You have to realize that it is time to fall, whether you're ready or not and despite it being an awful yet unavoidable concept, it's time to grow up and with that comes the fact that you have to let go of a few things like for example the baggage you've been carrying around since you were an awkward teenager- we all have insecurities, I know I sure do, but there comes a point that you just need to place them in a place where they can't hurt you anymore.

I am convinced that anyone who figures out how to focus on the things that are within their sphere of control while forgetting all those stuff they can...has won in life. I learned that you have to let go of all the childish things that you see in the world (those juvenile, per-pubescent things that don't really matter in the bigger scheme of things) and you have to start understanding limitlessness for real. It will help greatly to let go of your anger and all that stored up rage inside you, let go of the failures and of all those who have failed you. You have to let go of the cynicism you've adopted as a coping mechanism because being a grown up maybe also is all about accepting things as they are and seeing the magic that has been there all along and that you've just been a tad immature to allow it to happen to you. So what do you do? Clear your mind, sift through the junk of memories and experiences you collected and understand how it has made you feel. Understand how these have changed you. It is time to be less afraid and it is time to fall because when you let go, you're going to fall. I won't lie and I won't sugar-coat it for you: it will hurt...A LOT. If it boosts your confidence, allow me to say I went ahead and did it and yet here I am, alive and kicking. You are going to have to let go because holding on to this thread/wire/rope/whatever it is keeping you suspended in air is cutting lines through you and if you wait too long, they will scar and you don't need a constant reminder of how you kept on holding on when you should've let go. You need to break your own ground rules and pull the rug from under your feet and rearrange the blocks of your life. Learn to look at perfection (simulated for sure) and not yearn for it. Be content in just being the person who has finally learned not to stress out about every.single.thing. 

But above all that, you need to remember that the trick is to keep breathing. You just need to breathe. Breathe in. Breathe out. And let go.


Photos by: Celyn Jaravata

xx, JL

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