May 28, 2014

Take Comfort In Knowing

I think it`s time
That we accept the past
And embrace the fact it`s something we can`t change
Let`s look ahead
And find the answers there
Among the youngest and the humble
The sorry and the weak (you`re not alone)
Take comfort
In Knowing
Everything will change dear
Nothing ever stays the same

- Take Comfort in Knowing, Phoenix
There will be many times (more than one would want, that's for sure,) when an emotionally taxing situation leaves us at a crossroads (I know, I know, I've been mentioning the words crossroads so many times in my past blog entries.) If you are at said situation, it is more likely that you are left and forced to make a very difficult and life-altering decision. For instance, when you are weathered and exhausted by how you are living your life- it is inevitable for questions to arise and you will debate with yourself. The same applies when it comes to relationships and when making the ultimate decision when it does reach a standstill- you will spend many waking hours asking yourself if you're doing the right thing by persistently trying to make an already defective connection function properly or if simply severing ties would be the best option. We can and probably will do the list although there definitely won't be a particular side you'd know to lean toward and both will have its pros and cons and perhaps the most taxing part is evaluating your scenario and having to make a difficult call. As much as experience proves otherwise, I would like to believe that this is the usual process that people go through when trying to make a big decision like when it involves potentially hurting someone else is a foreseeable outcome. Whenever you are going through something like this, I do hope you take some time to at least recognize the difference between fixable and not salvageable... you owe that to yourself.

I have to say this but in a healthy relationship, as cliche as it sounds, it is give or take and not either of the people involved (and I would like to believe that the usual scenario only has two key players here) should be limited to giving one without the other. When the problem is simply a lack of patience, I have to say, you owe it to yourself to fight to improve and accept. A deep love or a relationship where two people are invested in should not be ended because of minute annoyances because the annoyance leads to anger, the anger leads to arguments, and the arguments will serve as a rusty knife that will slowly be cutting through the connection. If your connection is strong enough, perhaps it will survive the strain and eventually be unaffected to withstand the cuts... but definitely, the weaker links will be severed. The arguments spawned by trivial pet peeves and requests for common courtesy should be resolved by making a conscious effort (on your part) to accommodate someone you care for. There is another side when it comes to these disputes. If you  are going to be with someone- anyone for that matter- you are going to have to accept their flaws and habits that you are not necessarily fond of. Unless you want to date yourself, you will have to acquire a little thing called "patience" and you can't just buy it in stores. No two people possess an argue-free relationship. I mean when it comes to "tiffs," it is ultimately so insignificant in the big picture...but if it makes them happy- why not? As for those arguments involving jealous and controlling situations... I have to say these typically don't and are not really going to end well, so walking (or actually briskly jogging) away is a good idea. 

Of course the problems aren't always all about fussing and fighting. Sometimes, we set up such impractical expectations for ourselves and for our significant others. When it comes to expecting perfection, it isn't realistic to expect it from anyone. We may try to strive for it but let's not fool ourselves to the point that we get surprised and panic when our flawless hopes end up having a blemish. I don't know what has lead us into thinking that in relationships: it is either perfection or bust which is simply a formula failure because the going will get tough and then you will realize that you can't just get going. It is not always rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise that moves us along so perhaps we shouldn't really just throw in the towel when things aren't what we expected them to be. When it comes to imperfection and flaws, we should embrace the inevitability of it all. 

Then there is that thing about distance, and by this I don't mean that one needs you to be a thousand miles apart. Most of the time, it doesn't require that you be physically apart to feel distant from someone enough for complications to arise. I am sure many people feel this and often the realization comes all too little too late, but it is possible to have someone live down the street or constantly be with you - yet feel completely disconnected from them. It is one of the most challenging feelings a person can have and it truly wears you out. I am sure these cases are unique and situational and they may involve a set of temporary circumstances that will place a distance between you and someone else. It may be impermanent and it may be worth waiting out for... all you need to do is wait it out to ease the void and for the gap close in its own course. If you feel that the distance will be present in the foreseeable future, that's when you will have to decide if it's worth the wait. Of course, if you are like me, you'd be self-sacrificing enough to think it is... only to be left alone in that decision... (the more common aftermath actually when it turns out that your significant other is just not that into you, apparently). Most of the time, the uncertainty of a payoff is enough to make most people wave the white flag but if people do manage to persevere through this and come out unscathed (which is personally something I rarely see), they are guaranteed to develop a strength that a very few people possess.

However, when the bad outweighs the good, when the stress is constant, the arguments habitual and the weight of your burden being carried is too heavy- it may be time to walk away because trust me on this, it's just a waiting game and it is better to be the one doing the walking away than being the one being left behind. Respect yourself enough to evaluate how you feel rather than what you should feel- if anything that would probably be the one piece of advice I could give when it comes to self-preserving. If you dig deep and find that you feel unhappy every day with the inability to do anything about it- you shouldn't have to go on and be miserable. You have to learn to take care of yourself, because when it comes it it, you're the only one who has the obligation to and you are the only one who will have to answer to yourself. While it would nice and ideal to have others invested in our well-being, we can't always expect it and the reality is life is put on a helmet. At the end of the day, the person you should be with should give you feelings of happiness and pleasure the majority of the time and of course with the not-so-satisfying occasions coming here and there.  It is simply unhealthy to oneself to continue to playing a part in a cancerous relationship. If the rainy days outnumber the bright and sunny ones, and the pain is excruciating more often than not... turn around and put one foot in front of the other until you've walked far away and then try to walk a little bit farther. The reality is life is already tough enough all on its own that we have to distance ourselves from anything or anyone that doesn't improve us. 

Photos taken by: Dominique Tiu

Black Cropped Top: Zara
Floral Printed Skirt: Zara
Pink Fluoro Luggage Bag: Celine
Pink and Beige Strappy Heels: Zara
Crystal Necklaces: Ever New

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