May 14, 2014

Champagne for my Real Friends, Real Pain for my Sham Friends

We don't have to stay friends
Let's pretend to be enemies Yeah, whatever makes you happy
Yeah, whatever makes it beautiful
Yeah, whatever leaves you satisfied
Cause I'm out of time
For now

- Yeah Whatever, Splender

 The saying goes, "We never lose friends, we just find out who the real ones are..." As someone who prefers to see the silver lining in almost everything (I am such an optimist, I am surprised that I am not coughing out or sneezing glitters yet), I would like to believe this saying to be true. For the past months, I have settled into quite an enriching routine which involves investing myself only in the things and in the people I want to. I figured the equation to a somewhat happy life: the less people you immerse yourself in, the less issues and drama you would have in your life. So far, living my life in such a sheltered and protective manner has been great and while everyone (including my doctors) tell me that my OCD always makes me take things to another level, I don't think I've fallen out of the loop completely to the point I am a self-proclaimed hermit... I am just more selective in what things are worth my time, effort and attention (which apparently are very few) and which ones are not (and when I started to filter, I found out there were so many, after all.) I must say, approaching life in such a way has kept things in an extraordinary sense of calm and balance that I find myself being absolutely content with the serenity and the zen that is in abundance in my life. My sister, Dominique- the best influence in my life so far and the one person I can say has had a profound way of keeping me on track has made me realize that I needed to shift priorities. When it comes to having her in my life, imagine meeting someone who understood even the the dustiest corners of your mixed up soul and you'll get what I mean. She's taught me a lot about privacy, and now, I know that I have actually been a little less open about certain aspects of my life- my relationships, my condition and my state of mind, included. I have realized that everyone does not need to know everything and that my life is not up for public consumption. I've come respect myself to the point that there are certain things I would like to keep private just between me and certain people...and that that is okay to do.

If you are like me- and most probably are- as you are after all reading my blog so that automatically connects us- you probably wander self-consciously through life, wondering what other people are thinking about you, frightened that they are judging you. Since most likely, all these other people are walking around with the same self-conscious thoughts, I think it would be best that you not worry what they think about you...because they probably don't. The sooner you are able to realize this as a fact, the easier it will be for you to glide through life- unconcerned and unscathed.This preoccupation with what others think is particularly nefarious when it involves the beginning of a relationship- a friendship or a romantic one. Barring paranormal relationships, you really cannot be certain about what s/he thinks and feels. Beyond reading into things based on how they act, things can go any which way and the unfortunate thing is all you have to do is probably just have to wait and see. More will be revealed eventually. Instead of thinking of what others feel or think about you, you should be thinking about what you feel about them because if you love yourself like I have learned to love myself, that's what really counts, that's all you can possibly know and that's really what you should be figuring out. I mean, it is time to stop the insanity before you waste a year with people who are a waste of your time, choose to believe your instinct and opinion of people. In all the time you invest in all the wrong ones, you could probably met a handful who would make you happy with no strings attached. You have to trust me on this one- I had to learn this the hard way. As soon as you begin to realign and honor yourself, much else with fall into place. The best kind of people are the ones who come into your life and make you see the sun where you once saw storm clouds. The people that believe in you so much, you start believing in yourself too. The people who love you, simply for being you...without needing to change you. The once in a lifetime kind of people.

Now I am not washing my hands clean by proclaiming I have had this wisdom all this time. I am the first one to admit that "Yes, I've made didn't come with instructions." Being human, I am flawed and not without fault. I mean, I myself didn't always follow my own good advice. In fact, I may stumble all the time. I might fail... and if that is not enough, I fail miserably. But I do know right from wrong. There are a few facts that I know are true: I know no person is an island. I know that not listening to your body and not taking care of yourself is detrimental to your health and that it has never gotten me anywhere except in a hospital bed cringing in pain, having to eat only liquid food for a month. I know that certain time when you have reached your saturation point with another person and that it is time for them to go. I know that trying to be friends with  ex-boyfriends causes nothing but irritation at best and serious damage at worst. I mean, let's be honest here and not kid ourselves- neither parties really want to be friends because that is not how it works. Someone is hurting you- which is usually what happens 99% of the time people break up- and that is by definition not your friend. Whether you've been dumped or if you've done the dumping, why would you want to make repeated visitations to the site of an emotional car wreck? What is the point of such torture? The same applies for ex-bestfriends who have hurt you in such an extraordinary level. Don't mistake "friendship" for real friendship. When someone hurts you enough to make you rethink your relationship with them, ties must be cut and severed. Hard as it may sound, I am well enough tosay that if you truly need a friend, go to the animal shelter (visit the PAWS website) and adopt one. I know when something is a mess that I made and have to clean up and enjoy. I know that I feel better when I sit in silence and have long and one-sided conversations with God about the meaning of my existence and the nature of my life and why it isn't going the way I always planned it would. I have a lot of faith and I know that I always do the best I can, and as sappy and cliche as it sounds, I know that it's good enough.

I've also decided to immerse myself in things that I am truly passionate and happy to be matter what other people say. I've learned to nurture my interests in things that does not involve talking about other people. I am as far from bored with my life as possible. I think that this is how women get themselves into trouble. Women who have better things to do than be obsessive stay out of trouble. So the solution is to be fanatical about something...anything (for me, it would be serial killers and crime)...just for fun. The list of possibilities go on and on. It is absolutely easy to develop interests- they are called that because they are interesting. Having nurtured my interests has allowed me to get to a point in my life where I just don't give a rat's tutu about what anyone says or thinks about me. People can hate me if they want to hate but that's not my problem anymore. I seriously have no inclinations or dream of being a VIP or a VVIP anyway. So you can hand the Miss Congeniality award to someone else. Recently, I don't even want to exact revenge to anyone who has done or said something nasty to me. I do believe that the mark of true maturity is that when somebody hurts you, you try to understand their situation instead of trying to hurt them back. Try to make excuses for people and their behavior but also, be adult enough to walk away from the nonsense with your head held high and most of all, know when to tell other people when it's time for them to go. There always comes a point when enough is enough.

Life is already hard enough without having people involved. So if you do decided to have certain people on board, make sure they are worth the space. You can only have so much time for others because having time for yourself is always important. Life is full of disappointments, failures and setbacks. None of these should permanently stop you. You have the power to overcome anything life throws at you and there is nothing more powerful than a made-up mind. Don't take relationships too far and never give more than you should. Do not be loyal to people who do not deserve your loyalty and do not stand by those who have deserted you emotionally when you needed them most. If you are reading this, you are probably a sensitive person with a great capacity for empathy and kindness which is why you always comply even if it is detrimental to you. When these people demand from you again, do yourself a favor instead and say "NO." Surround yourself with people who remind you that you matter, and support you in ways that matter most to you. Who cares if they are only a handful? No person, situation or circumstance can define who you are so do not give up, cave in or stop believing that it's possible. You will realize with great serenity that going through life like a headless hen diverts your energy from that joyous task of getting on with your life. And remember: it's not over until you win yourself back.

Hair Extensions by: STYLD Hair Extensions

Neon Green Watercolor Coordinates: Style Stunner Manila | Neon and Black Wedged Shoes: Vishoes | Statement Drop Necklace: H&M | Bracelet: Iconoclast Line | Jelly Bag with Alligator Skin Leather Strap: Furla

xx, JL 

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