Mar 14, 2014

Built To Last

Anna Pavlova once said, "When I was a small child... I thought that success spelled happiness. I was wrong, happiness is like a butterfly which appears and delights us for one brief moment, then soon flits away." It is a common misconception that success = happiness. I think that people ultimately think that the formula for happiness is getting everything what you want and attaining all your goals and dreams. Unfortunately, as we will soon discover, when we've achieved what we always want... there's that need to achieve more, have more, earn more... I guess it is a common trait to never be content... which in some ways, I have to say is a good thing since we would not have been able to discover things if we just settled for what we wanted. Life is not a linear process... it is a series of highs and lows and happiness isn't a constant thing you have. It is fleeting... and I think that the fact that it is not something permanent that we possess is what makes us value and appreciate it more. Actually, after reflecting on it, I have come to realize that there is probably no difference between happiness and depression. They both have the same process. It is just the content that is not the same. Both will come and go. The major difference between them is what we do with them. 


We are always seeking happiness and when we see it coming, we want it to always stay with us. But happiness is a tricky thing and just as swiftly as it comes, it leaves...and so it does. With depression, we see it coming and we say, "Go away, I do not want you. Not me." Yet the more we deny it and avoid dealing with it, the tendency is for it to get bigger and bigger for us to hear it and learn what it has to teach. So it taps us on the shoulder until it gets our attention. The more we try to hide from it, the bigger and louder it gets. When we deal with it and learn from it... Then it leaves. Ultimately, happiness and depression are constant in our lives. Both happiness and depression have something to teach us. Both come and go. Both will return. We have to see things this way: our happiness is a gift. Our depression is a gift. At the end of the day, it is our response and openness to learn from both that makes the difference.

Ultimately, I do not think one can exist without the other... for without sadness, how will we get to experience joy and happiness? How will we be able to tell the difference? Dorothy Parker said, "Sorrow is tranquility remembered in emotion," Isn't that such a wonderful way of defining it? I think that all feeling are equally as lovely and as necessary to our existence. We have done ourselves a disservice by talking about "negative" and "positive" feelings. The truth is: feelings are just feelings, and like every aspect of our being are gifts from which we can learn. 

Sorrow and grieving are feelings that we try to avoid and of that I am certain. They take time and they are not easy. Yet we make it worse by avoiding them. We feel sad when something we've worked so hard for does not come through. We feel sorrow when we lose those we love... a feeling all too familiar and fresh for me as I lost my favorite grand-uncle about a week ago and it happened so quickly that I wasn't able to even say goodbye. The things with me is that when I like someone, I really like them and most of the time, I find myself gravitating to them and always wanting to be in their presence when the opportunity presents itself. This lolo of mine was brilliant and he had so much gumption which is probably why even as a child, I always seemed to want to be near him. But of course, he was taken away from me and after crying out all I needed to cry out, and when I was finally out of tears, I finally understood how beautiful to think of sorrow as "tranquility remembered in emotion." Grief is real. It is human. We grieve our losses, whatever they are. Grief is an unfolding process that has many levels. It is important for us to accept our passage through the levels of grief. It is normal to feel grief when we have to cut ties to something we love to do, or when our family restructures. We cannot escape it and the best we can do is ride the storm and go through it. At the end of the day it is fighting our feelings that causes our suffering... not our feelings.

Anyway, this was my outfit for our Anything Goes Garage Sale held last weekend over at my now demolished house in Bel-Air and I was enjoying the day immensely. I had originally packed this ensemble as part of my 7107 outfits (I know, I am a girl scout and I like to be prepared so most of the time I over pack. It's just me being me- prepared for anything.) and I decided to wear it as it was a very easy outfit to wear... perfect for a day out in the sun! It still looked as feminine and glamorous as possible since it is made of tulle and has sequined details which matched the sequins of the vest I paired it with. All in all, I was happy to have been able to wear this outfit. I was so happy that day as I was able to bond with a lot of people including fellow bloggers who I realized were such a joy to reconnect with. It was a busy day but it was the kind of busy that was something you were happy to be doing since you were around people you liked being around and in so many ways, I experienced happiness. Unfortunately, true enough, it was fleeting and almost instantly grief hit me out of nowhere as I received news that my much loved lolo was in critical condition... in another country, far away from us. I knew it was going to be quick and that I was going to lose him all too soon and that I had no choice but to deal with the grief and face it head on. I did. I didn't fight it, I didn't deny it and I didn't try to run away from it. True enough, when news of his passage arrived two days later, I felt sorrow but in a more tranquil and serene way... it was something like accepting the reality... no matter how sad it was. And while I am still in the process of passing through the different levels of my grief, I am happy that I didn't fight my feelings or deny them. It is real and there is no way of running away from it... it's not easy but dealing with it and letting it take its course is the only way to get through. And I know that one day, I will be happy again.

Bronze Sequined Draped Vest: Forever21 | Baby Pink Tulle Spaghetti Strapped Oversize Top with Lace and Bronze Sequin Detail: Zara | Bronze Studded Sling Bag: Rebecca Minkoff | Spiked and Studded Sueded Chunky Heels: Gifts Ahoy | Accessories: Cultus Chi Chi

xx, JL

PS: Dominique Tiu or also known as my FOSSIL (First and Only Soul Sister-In-Law) and I had finally decided to join accounts on She finally agreed to be open to answering certain questions for her so it is now a joint venture. Officially, the domain is officially the Ask site for Domz and me. So feel free to drop by and ask us for any advice. No drama please.

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