Apr 20, 2014

Neon heart, day-glow eyes...

I hate to say it because I do love being surrounded by my loved ones and friends but there comes a point in one's life when you just need a break. In a  beautiful place. Alone. to figure anything out. The funny this is as I type this, I am probably as far from whatever qualifies for "away from it all" as I am in the same old city turned ghost town (that's what happens every year on the 5-day weekend people have because it is Holy Week)... and not really in a beautiful place...the hospital (fine, my hospital suite is bigger than most studio units I have seen) but I don't think lying down in a hospital bed with an IV line attached to you is also not exactly the ideal place to be in...no matter how cozy, homey or hotel-like it was furnished out to be. A hospital room is a hospital room and there's no denying it, no matter how hard you try to. But I am alone, being hydrated and taking a break... and of course, certainly, with much time to figure things out because I must say that having nothing to do but lie down with only the choices to either incline or decline posture will have the side effect also know as introspection. Am I complaining? Perhaps at the start but when it comes down to it, I have to see the silver lining on this very dark cloud and think of this as a very expensive break, in the same city I have been born and raised in. So I am thankful for at least that. A particular saying comes to mind as I type this and it is titled This is what you don't do... and it goes like this:
Don't let the world make you bitter. Do not let the actions of other people turn you cold in the inside. Certain things happen that hurt us, people come that leave us, and most of all, there are moments you are bound to fall. Don't let those things make you unkind. It's okay to cry. It's okay to be sad. But it is never okay to do other people wrong just because you were done wrong. We're human. We break. We make mistakes. But do not let the pain and sadness ruin your life. Wake up in the morning and do what you think is right. There are moments in life where you feel like giving up and you can't take it anymore. It's okay. Breathe. Inhale. Exhale. You have to know you are allowed to be weak. But the things that show your weak side are also the same ones that make you stronger in the long run. It is all about taking whatever life throws at you and learning from it.

Isn't that just a lovely way to go through life? I find that after everything I have been through, I am proud that the experiences and circumstance I have been dealt has enabled me to bend and not break no matter what. Last week, I bought this journal and the front had this text: I'M DOING MY BEST: A journal in which to prove that despite any indications to the contrary, I am constantly working on myself and becoming the best me even though it is a much slower and harder process than Oprah and Deepak would have me believe and while I would sometimes prefer to just swallow a pill or have a personality transplant, I will keep plugging away at this infernal self-improvement thing until I've done so well. Okay, so now those were powerful words. In one of the pages, in big bold letters is a quote by Gloria Steinem that goes like this, "Clinging to the past is the problem. Embracing change is the solution." and I have to say these words resonate to me as I have mastered the art of letting go and cutting and cutting cleanly quite well that it is almost a talent of mine. Holding on to failed plans, relationships or people who do not deserve your time is a recipe for depression and when you know this as a fact, I think you would learn to let go easily. I would like to believe that I live in a world where people can make a proactive decision to choose against depression (especially with things they have complete control over.) 

When it comes to holding on, my philosophy is that cutting contact from toxic people will transform your life. At first, it feels miserable. That is inevitable. It is like going cold turkey from an addiction. But time passes on and you come to discover that each passing day brings unexpected blessings. You begin to develop self-respect, boundaries, and true friendships. Instead of running around absorbing and forgiving everything, you spend time with people who do not behave in a way that requires constant explaining to begin with. The sad and ugly truth is that there are some people who will only be there from you as long as you have something they need. And when you no longer serve a purpose to them, they will leave. The good news is that if you tough it out, you'll eventually weed these people out of your life and be left with some great people you know you can count on. People rarely lose friends and loved ones, we just gradually figure out who our real ones are.  This freedom will allow your spirit to thrive.Someday, I assure you, you will look back and wonder how you tolerated interacting with such unhealthy people. Your new self will begin to feel protective of your old self and that is a pretty marvelous place to be. And if today you fail to avoid people who belittle your enthusiasm, put you down or squash your dreams because it is normal human behavior to try to cling on to attachments made...the good news is: After all, tomorrow is a brand new day.

The more you see the less you know
The less you find out as you go
I knew much more then than I do now
Neon heart, day-glow eyes
The city lit by fireflies
They're advertising in the skies
And people like us
And I miss you when you're not around
I'm getting ready to leave the ground
Oh you look so beautiful tonight...

Don't look before you laugh
Look ugly in a photograph
Flash bulbs, purple irises the camera can't see
I've seen you walk unafraid
I've seen you in the clothes you've made
Can you see the beauty inside of me?
What happened to the beauty I had inside of me?

- City of Blinding Lights, U2

About my outfit: I decided not to take anything to seriously which explains this extreme play on colors. I always thought chartreuse and cobalt blue go well together and today, I was able to get that right. The color which is almost highlighter yellow is a major risk for me and as it was very bright, you could probably see me walking from 500 meters away but I decided to risk it anyway! After all, dressing up should be fun and not taken too seriously thus the bright ensemble. Neon hues are especially haute and with this acid yellow coverup (worn as a dress), I felt great.

Neon Low Sleeve Coverup (worn as a dress): Glitterati | White Tanktop and White Shorts: Forever21 | Hair accessory: Simone's Fashion Closet | Lady Dior Cobalt Blue Bag: Dior | Cobalt Blue Suede Peeptoe Ankle Strap Wedges: DAS | Jewelry: My Collection | Belt: Vintage Italian

xx, JL

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