Holy Grail (It's amazing I'm in this maze with you... I just can't crack your code)

 

Brooklyn V-Neck T-shirt: Zara | Pleated Pleather Skirt: Zara TRF |  Isabel Marant Gava-inspired Two-Toned Ankle Strap Pumps: DAS| Rhinestone and Pearl Collar Necklace: Gold Couture | Two-toned Canvas and Leather Batwing Trapeze Bag: Celine | Bracelets: Therapy | Pearl Earrings: Mikimoto | Watch: Rolex | Bangle: Charriol

You curse my name
In spite to put me to shame
Have my laundry in the streets
Dirty or clean
Give it up for fame
But I still don't know why
Why our love is so much
And Baby
It's amazing I'm in this maze with you
I just cant crack your code
One day you're screaming you love me loud
The next day you're so cold
One day you here, one day you there, one day you care
You're so unfair
Sipping from the cups
Till it runneth over, Holy Grail

 "The bright lights is enticing...I feel like I'm cornered off...Enough is enough..." In a life filled with chaos and conflict, serenity iost grs one of the macious things we can have...or at least strive for. I once stumbled upon this quote by Meridel Le Sueurwhich went like this, "She would greet us pleasantly, and immediately she seemed to surround the chaotic atmosphere of morning strife with something of order, of efficient and quiet uniformity.so that one had the feeling that life was small and curiously ordered." When I read that, I instantly remembered the three most important women in my life: my mother, Katie (my person), and my FOSSIL, Dominique. Whatever mess I got in, or whatever discord I seemed to tangle myself in (and trust me, there have been quite a lot...), they have remained the constant things in my life... those that have always remained in order. Those that gave me peace, clarity and the order that I, being a control freak, always absolutely with limitlessness craved for. I needed it. Organized chaos? Ah, the possibilities!

It is an absolute relief to know that there are people in the world who are just so present in the moment that when they enter a chaotic atmosphere, they create calm. This calm, mind you, is not born of control or manipulation. This calm is born of presence. Something I believe most people lack. The problem with dwelling too much on the past or planning so much ahead for the future us that we lose being present in the now. I find that the people who observe others so much end up living vicariously through others, which makes them unable to live their lives, on their own terms. Only a person present to herself carries a feeling of serenity with her. Hopefully we can begin to experience this kind of serenity for ourselves. You see, order than comes out of control is full of tension. Order that comes from rigidity is full of strife. Order that comes out of serenity is peaceful... and something only most of us could hope for. I have possessed that kind of order by example because of three people in my life who show me how to have it. I consider myself blessed.

I am content to be where I am. Exactly where I am. Most people, you see, love to brag about being well-traveled and of possessing a certain wanderlust that has brought them to so many places. To infinity and beyond, I think is a common adage these people live for. True, they may have been many places, traveled many miles... they may have had a multitude of experiences, observations and encounters with people from all over and their passport is most probably a collection of stamps. To these people, I say, you are absolutely blessed to have the opportunity...take it, it is yours and I am truly happy you have such opportunities. 

As for me, I have been dealt a different set of cards but save me the pity party, as I am far too proud for that. There is a certain kind of serenity in gaining experiences, encounters and life-altering moments that comes with just staying in place, by being present in the moment, which I believe, most of the time I am. I have read articles saying how people should date "girls who travel" or something similar to that (in the context at least), and when I do, i find myself not envious but rather, blessed. You see, I have come to experience so many things, so many people and so many encounters without having to board a plane (a situation that would merit a panic attack for me) and these, I believe are experiences that have changed my life, my way of thinking and my worldview significantly...and the best part of it all? I didn't even have to go too far....spend too much and I still have the budget for all those designer stuff I want as a fashion plate and all. The meaning of bring present in the moment, you see, is not having to need to be in a distant place to experience things. So may wonderful things happen around is everyday... most of us would pass these off as mundane, yet, when you go through what I have gone through the past years, you see the beauty and significance in everything that happens around you. These experiences, these encounters, I believe are of utmost importance. One does not need to circle the globe to see the beauty of life and of living. To be quite honest, I have seen it a number of times, in the confines of the four walls of a hospital... a new life, being cured, having another shot at life... Ultimately, it doesn't come down to where we are or where we have been through... enchanting things happen everywhere, every time. All you have to do is possess a certain serenity to be content and at complete peace with yourself to see it and once you do, trust me, the view will be spectacular.

xx, JL