But every song's like gold teeth, Grey Goose, trippin' in the bathroom

Fully Beaded Gold Geometric Architectural Dress: Kristel Yulo | 2.55 Sling Bag: Chanel | Jewellery designed by Ords Jewellery | Spiked Clear Peeptoe Pumps: Dsquared

But every song's like gold teeth, Grey Goose, trippin' in the bathroom
Blood stains, ball gowns, trashin' the hotel room
We don't care, we're driving Cadillacs in our dreams
But everybody's like Cristal, Maybach, diamonds on your timepiece.
Jet planes, islands, tigers on a gold leash
We don't care, we aren't caught up in your love affair
And we'll never be royals
It don't run in our blood
That kind of luxe just ain't for us
We crave a different kind of buzz
Let me be your ruler, you can call me Queen Bee
And baby I'll rule (I'll rule I'll rule I'll rule)
Let me live that fantasy

 

- Royals, Lorde

 

 I am proud to be wearing and owning this dress as it is a masterpiece and absolute work of art AND I have to give credit to Kristel Yulo (who if you do not know is Andrew's cousin) who designed such a brilliant and sparkling piece. She had the Midas Touch where this dress was concerned and even if it almost weighed as heavy as me... having been able to wear this (and trust me I will wear this again) was such an honor.

Expectations vs. Reality.

I always get a lesson on this. I do not know why, but life has a habit of always telling me, "you can't get what you want." Not that I need further teaching since I think I am quite the expert on this field. Expectations, as I learned are premeditated resentments waiting to happen. They are set-ups for disappointment. Often, it is because of our expectations that we end up becoming completely oblivious to what is really going on in a situation. Because we are so wedded to what we think should be happening, or what we want to happen, we don't see what is happening. 

Many a possible relationship has been aborted because we were too determined to turn it into a relationship. Expectations also keep us in illusion. We set up our expectations for someone. We project them onto the other person, and then we start reacting to our expectations as if they were real. Expectations and the illusion of control are intimately linked. The thing is, when we are tied to our expectations, we usually miss what is happening... life, that is. To make this concept clearer, allow me to share this useful piece of wisdom: life is under no obligation to give you what you expect.

 

 I was reading a letter to myself (back when I was in 4th year high school, we were required for PerDev aka. Personality Development Class- yes we have that in St.Scho- to write a letter which the school was going to send via snail mail to us 5 years from then) which I discovered among my stack of unopened mail (If you think 15,000 unread emails is extreme, you should see my snail mail) and discarded. As I was quite bored and had nothing better to do today anyway,  I went into unknown territory and explored and when I saw the said letter,I was shocked to see how absolutely foolish I was- in all my 4th year high school hopes and dreams. Not that I am saying that it is wrong to dream big... but the thing I realized is that how I envisioned myself to be back when I was 17 years old is not exactly where I am now...and the funny thing is, that's okay with me. Every plan I had made for myself in my younger years, back when I was lulled into the false reality that I was physically healthy, didn't really work out... nothing in my life turned out to be what I expected it would (and no, this is not some sentimental sob story or pity party I am throwing myself. I am way past that)... and I realized that here I am, still breathing and still going on.

 A control freak's worst nightmare is not knowing what's next...people like me always like to be prepared for the next move...but the beautiful thing I realized is that in life, you can try to prepare yourself for everything, but as John Lennon said (I have high respect for other J.L.s in the world for the wisdom they possess)..."Life is what happens when you're too busy making other plans" and true to Mr. Lennon's words, that is exactly what happened to me. Nothing can prepare you for what happens next. You never really know what life has planned for you and sometimes, it will feel like the world is ending because your 5-year plan did not exactly turn out as you wanted it to... but I think that it is during these times that your resilience as a person is tested and you can choose to breakdown or make the most of the hand you've been dealt. 


Yes, it is unfair. I know how it feels. I've been there more than once. But then again...when was life ever actually fair in our favor? The odds are against us. You play, you win. You play, you lose. It's not winning that matters. What matters is that you keep on playing the game and that is exactly what I tell people when they ask me if I feel somehow robbed of my future, granted I have so much potential having graduated Summa Cum Laude and all. Ultimately, living through the struggles I have lived through (tumor, heart problem, allergies to name a few) and coming out the other side, a little bruised, with scars, a little broken but definitely wiser... warrants more merit than any other award or recognition I've received. The ability to bend with life's twists and turns and not break, is my greatest achievement and because of that... I have major reason to celebrate.

PS: I am using Maybelline BB Cream in my fave for the shimmery oil-free glow!

xx, JL

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