Candy In The Sun

No more baby-oiled skin. No more sprinklers. No more applying of sunscreen a tenfold to avoid the unavoidable burns. No one to protect me from the sun. No more hopscotch, jump rope, no more dampened beer-sweaty skin rubbing off on me because the party was thatpackedsosweatandbeerolliding was inevitable. There was more worry over bodies in swimsuits, what's see-through and what's padded and other "whats's" you've never conceived of in summers past. That's the difference or dare I say it, the "toll" growing up creates. My summer was different because the scent of tobacco won't stain my smoke-free lungs and virgin fingertips (I now know how to inhale), I will no longer take my first shot of anything and wonder if I am supposed to enjoy it (I know how to call shotgun and chase dreams and drinks), I've become more aware of my body and who shouldn't be looking at it and I readily accepted all the things that glow and sweat and shine. I now even know how to cut pants into short shorts and tank tops into midriff baring cropped tops. I think after ten years of the same old dance in paradise also known as Boracay, I find that I am experienced in summer in ever sense of the world...So yeah, my summer was different this year.

This summer was different because of the people who punctuate it; because of the unanticipated and unknown moments indicative of a season when stakes and clothing and inhibitions are low. The realization that I am suddenly able to survive on my own and that I am old enough to take care of others as well is profound. I stare at all the people who've made my summer different and it feels and looks and sounds like a very simple, quiet and unspeakable kind of love and when you do feel that sort of love, as I did, I knew how rare it is and how easily it slips out of one's hands when you bite your tongue. So this summer, it was different because I said it frequently at an acceptable volume (or an unacceptable one), most times. Now I begin to miss the sunburns, the tan marks, and the sandcastles and the cigarettes and I remember that this summer was so much more different because I am; because like the sun that lit my longest days, I don't know how to be anything else. 

Neon Orange Tanktop: Manic Vintage | Mirrorized Sunglasses: Blings and Jewel | Zig-zag Print Bikini: Tough Shop | Sandals: Trunk Show | Leather Snapbacks: Halves Clothing

Bandage Swimsuit: Herve Leger | Cropped Vest with Garter and Zipper Detail: Topshop

xx, JL