In A Tidal Wave Of Misery, You'll Still Be Standing Next To Me

Chiffon Blouse with Embroidered Back Detail: Zara | Cobalt Blue Denim Jeans with Gold Zipper Detail: Zara | Cobalt Blue Kitten Heel Pumps with Ankle Strap: Zara | Aquamarine Heart Shaped Jewelry: My Collection | Navy Blue Tanktop: Forever21 | Watch: Rolex | Beaded Bracelet: Therapy | Crocodile Skin Lucrezia Structured Bag: Givenchy

I was appropriate in my outfit choice for the day (decked in all blue) for two reasons: (1) My veins are all black and blue from repeated IV insertions and (2) It was not such a good day, 4 days before Christmas where I tried and failed miserably in my drug tolerance/ drug allergy test at the E.R. again (2 days ago, it was Ivabradine, this time it was Amiodorone) for medications necessary for my heart to function well. Naturally, that got me quite sad and blue so I guess the color of my outfit represented what I was to feel that day-night. It's all so very dire really, but since I resolved to see the silver lining in everything, I am not giving up hope. It's Russian Roulette medication, I joked to my doctors and told them I felt like a guinea pig ie. test subject #24501, which left the wondering why I managed to still have quieta cheerful mood despite being doped up on Intravenous medications. I guess even when I should be blue, I choose to be happy. There is just so many things going on for me and I need to feel in control, fixed and have everything in order (including my reactions) or else I would probably fall apart. I have a fear of mess and clutter.

Always one for having absolutely everything in order, I believe in this saying, by May Sarton: "Clutter is what silts up exactly like a silt in a flowing stream when the current, the free flow of the mind, is held up by an obstruction." Clutter, disorganization, chaos clogs up our thought processes. Yet clutter seems like a constant in our lives. It is unavoidable. Houses are cluttered, our desks are cluttered, our minds our cluttered, and even our lives are cluttered. This is the curse of living in a world where we do too much. The thing I realized is that I can never find my creative self, my true self unless I reduce the clutter in my life. (This is also partly why I chose such a fuss free, simple and clean outfit such as this...to de-clutter as I face a challenging day in my life). Our minds must have the opportunity to flow freely if we are to be healthy- physiologically and psychologically. We are such strong, powerful, beautiful and intelligent, all on our own, I would like to believe so. The world needs what we have to offer. We have so many forms of clutter in our lives. As we end the year and begin a new one... perhaps it's time to simplify. Just my thoughts.

xx, JL 

Dolls, don't forget my Sony Xperia-C Giveaway