Habits (I've been around and I've seen it all)

Autumn is here and that means that 'tis the time of the year again I can experiment with rich fabrics such as jacquard, velvet and for this day- my personal choice- brocade. I always found richly decorative shuttle-woven fabrics laced with metallic gold absolutely elegant and glamorous and if anything, it spells one thing: royalty. Okay, so I will never be royal... even if some of my readers and followers call me Queen but I sure as hell can dress as one and that was exactly what I did when I chose this ensemble for a very important lunch where I was to present achievements of our foundation and orient my two sisters who are based abroad all about it. When I wore this outfit, I felt quite pleased with myself... Although when my sisters and staff saw me, they had one name in mind: Blair Waldorf. The irony of it all.

Black Chiffon Top with Sequined Collar: Top Picks Clothing

Black and Gold Embroidered Brocade Skirt with Tulle: Kirin Kirin

Tights: Topshop

Black Patent Mary Jane Shoes: Zara

Gold 2.55 Bag: Chanel

I say it is ironic and you might wonder why. Well, the incongruity of the outfit and the character it alludes to is far from how I live my life right now. I am past all the drama, the scheming, the conniving, the intrigues and the ridiculous... which from where I stand seem to be such a thing of the distant past. I've decided to give up going out and partying (which I used to do on a regular basis) because I find that there are more important things I could be doing with all that time. At some point, I think the fine social scene got kind of old for me and I could feel that it was all just so very repetitious and monotonous. It started to get tedious. I mean, it's fine...once in a while...but it's not a lifestyle I would want to have. There is just so much more to life than enjoying and letting loose...at some point, you have to realize you have obligations which actually involve more than just having fun. It took me a lot to get here but now looking back, it was actually all about making one choice and not looking back and now I am moving forward... on to better, brighter and more important things. I know all facets of the foundation and can talk about it in my sleep since I am deeply involved and immersed in it. As a result, I was far from nervous during the presentation because I knew what I was talking about and more so, I've been living it the past years. To be frank, I never quite felt "grounded" in my life until I decided to be active in this endeavor. Years and years of boyfriends, relationships and dramatic friendships that have come and gone never quite satisfied me and now, after all that time of all of that baggage, I am finally at ease with myself... I know I am where I belong and I know I am doing what I am supposed to. It is such a wonderful feeling to realize that you are where you belong, where you always wanted to be and that you've found your way to that place. It's miraculous how things like that happen.

 
 

It is all about choices really. My friend Jamm told me that she's never seen me at ease and so serene, Apparently, I always exuded such a neurotic, worked up and high-strung vibe before without me even noticing it. Now, I am more serene... probably because I am all for positivity and I find that I love all the time I have to get to do what I want which is, to be honest, to help people. Frankly, nothing has given me so much purpose. It took a lot of bravery but once I got to do it, it was actually so easy to leave one part of your life behind and choose another route and while I am still doing what I did... I know my priorities now and nothing will stand in the way of me achieving what I have planned. More people rely on me now and I would not want to let them down. 

There are things you can change and things that you can't and the sooner you separate the things in your life into these categories, the easier it is to make something out of it. Passion allows us to be more and do more than we think we can. It drives us to push limits, which more often than not we created and set ourselves. It is passion that makes us yearn for change... ourselves or the society we live in.  David Wallace once said, "The really important kind of freedom involves attention, awareness, discipline, effort and being able to truly care about other people and sacrifice for them, over and over, in myriad petty little unglamorous ways, every day. That is real freedom." 

Find something to be passionate about. Anything. And you'll know what I am talking about. 

Photos by: Celyn Jaravata

xx, JL