I've Got A Red Dress on Tonight | A Valentines Day Post

This was what I wore for the first time (ever) that I celebrated Valentines Day...ever. I was so against the holiday because I always thought that love should be celebrated 365 days, and not just on one day but granted I am in this phase where I am trying to see the beautiful in anything, it was quite nice, I have to say to see red roses being delivered everywhere. It was practically International Rose Giving day. Still on to veer away from the conventional (not because I am indie or a hippie tree hugger) because I am allergic to the pollen of certain flowers (roses are included), my boyfriend, Andrew gave me a bouquet of my favorite flowers: hydrangeas... and with one special detail in the middle: a cactus, as I have always joked I preferred if he gave me a cactus instead of a bouquet to avoid the sneezing and wheezing. Despite being a non-believer, I have to say, I am now playing for the other side... I think it was really nice to see all the lovey dovey people everywhere on one special day. It was so amazing and delicious to the eye. Also, this special day gave me the opportunity to wear my lovely rose print midi full skirt that I got online which was absolute perfection for the wedding. To spice things up a bit, I decided to pair it with a cropped lace bustier under a red jacket. I of course accessorized it with equally decadent Swarovski heels and Chanel sling bag. My mother and Dominique were saying I looked like a Spanish senyorita... that wasn't exactly the peg I was going for but if it works for me, then who am I to question that? This was the perfect outfit for the first Valentines Day I ever celebrated and I am glad my boyfriend convinced me to get up from my laziness and be with him for a special dinner he had arranged for us. Isn't he the sweetest?

On the topic of love and romance, allow me to discuss how I feel about intimacy... (and by that I do not mean the physical kind, but a rather holistic one). I remember reading somewhere that intimacy is a tender sense of one's self process... that hold something of our connection with the divine. Intimacy, much like charity, begins at home. If we cannot be intimate with ourselves, we have no one to bring to intimacy with another person. Intimacy with ourselves takes time. We need time for rest, time for walks, time for quiet, and time to tuning in to ourselves. We cannot completely fill up our lives with activities and expect to become intimate with ourselves. Nor can we just sit quietly indefinitely and become intimate with ourselves. We have to have the time and energy to be our lives and to do our lives in order to establish an intimate relationship with ourselves.Surprisingly, as we learn to become more intimate with ourselves, we discover our connection with others, most importantly with the ones we love. Neither is possible if we do not begin with ourselves. Intimacy...in/to/me/see. Trust me, it won't hurt to try it.

Red Blazer: Mango | Lace Semi-Sheer Cropped Corset: Glitterati | Rose Print Satin High Waist Full Skirt: Romwe.com | Sling Bag: Chanel  | Heart Shaped Ruby and Diamond Chandelier Earrings: My Collection | Swarovski Strappy Heels: GoJane.com

Hair Extensions: STYLD.Extensions 
 (tied in a bun for a full bun effect) 

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The thing with intimacy is that it takes time. Instant happiness is too often followed by disillusion. (I hate to be saying this since my family is into the whole instant food business...) but I have to admit, we live in an age of instant dinners, instant success, and instant intimacy. We expect ourselves to meet someone and know immediately that we were meant for each other. After all in our busy lives, we don't have the time for long, drawn-out courtships. More often than not we find this as the exception... the rule is: it takes time. Instant intimacy is one of the characteristics of dysfunctional relationships. In fact, when clear women experience a bit of instant intimacy, (much like me,) we have learned to run for the hills. This kind of instant communication usually does not wear well. Intimacy takes time. It is a process. It needs to be fed, valued, nurtured and allowed to grow. When we try to manipulate intimacy, we kill it. In fact, we often use instant intimacy avoid the possibility of real intimacy. Intimacy takes time and commitment. If you do not have time, you probably won't have the intimacy you need to nurture a relationship. 

Once you've conquered that, comes an even harder part: Nurturing Relationships. Agnes Repplier once said. "It has been wisely said that we cannot really love anybody at whom we never laugh with." I am the first to admit: how serious we are about everything- especially relationships. Often in our most intimate possibilities, we forget that our laughter at ourselves and at each other is one of the vehicles that we have been given for grounding ourselves in reality. We have to know others very well to be able to see their funny sides and to share the frivolity of family and functions. Let's face it, we human beings are a funny lot and most of the time, no one can ever be capable of the antics we can think up and laugh about... with the ones we love. 

The one final hurdle comes in working on it. Margaret Trudeau once said, "it takes two to destroy a marriage." ...well or a union, a relationship or a companionship. After all, it does take two to make a relationship with someone else thrive. It is difficult to maintain a relationship--- a real relationship-between two people who do too much- overworking, being too busy, and rushing around are very hard on working things out in a committed relationship. Bless our hearts, we do the best we can, and like Ursula Le Guin says, "Love doesn't just sit there like a stone; it has to be made, like bread: remade all the time, made new." We cannot fix something then use it and expect it to stay fixed. We can't take the important things for granted and give our energy to the little things and to expect the important ones to be there when we have all the energy to notice. Human beings do not work very well that way, and relationships don't work at all that way. These were some of the random thoughts that came across my mind as I reflected on Heart's Day, and what it means. Hopefully, we don't just work on our relationships one day because it is a societal proclaimed holiday but rather nurture it daily and work on it, not just on that day but rather, everyday.

xx, JL

Photos of Our Valentines Day Date