Only the Marvelous: Band Aid Covers The Bullet Holes

And... I'm back!!! I realized the jet black hair was wearing me out or overpowering my features too much and well, I just had about enough. So I went to the salon for a hair color change which was magical since my stylist over at Franck Provost is seriously a genius. I have always heard of that saying that whenever a woman is going through some kind of ordeal (ie. a break-up, a family problem, a falling out with a friend or a grave loss), the first thing they change and tinker with is their hair. This has been a popular belief and common talk among salons and beauty parlors (not that I am eavesdropping or anything... I just happen to hear the incessant chatter when I'm sitting in a chair doing nothing). Though I think that it was absolutely silly- "we are women, come on, there has got to be a better way of dealing with things than a new hairstyle', I found myself reflecting on the ghosts of haircuts past courtesy of my Chictopia.com page and realizing that the trims, the out of whim, the crops, the chops and the lightening and darkening of my hair was actually in sync with my timeline of ups and downs. Subconsciously, perhaps, I was doing it... but it's strange when things you take as taboo, turn out to be actually true and the best example of such- turns out to be... you.

Apparently, in this day and age where women are taught to be less emotional, we've evolved to expressing our feelings via altering something physically. The crossover between how we feel and taking it out on how we look has perhaps stemmed from a long history of having to repress ourselves so as not to prove to be the weaker sex. I learned my lesson the hard way and am slowly practicing to ventilate my emotions rather than taking it out on something else. It is a work in progress and as much as I am no longer a practitioner of hair massacre as a way to purge, I've yet to learn... (just the other day, I was experiencing a fit of rage, I took it out on my electric fan via a strong flying kick- I never thought I could kick that hard- which ended up with me having a sprain)... it is a process and I need to practice a better way to deal. We all have days like these, I am sure. What matters most is how we react to it, and no, practicing Taekwondo on an inanimate object is by no means a good way to deal... I advise strongly against it. Although I must admit...stranger things have happened.

You see, we have all been generally taught that feelings are bad. They aren't logical and rational. They are unruly, messy, unpredictable and often intense. How wonderful to have such a range of expression! Mary Wollstonecraft said, "For years, I have endeavored to calm an impetuous tide--- laboring to make my feelings take an orderly course---it was striving against the stream." Often, as children, it was not just our feelings of anger, rage, sadness or pouting that were stifled. We were told to be quiet and equally commanded to suppress our feelings of excitement, joy, creativity, imagination, giggles, laughter and happiness. Strangely enough, we have found that it is not possible to suppress some feelings and not others. When we push down anger, joy goes with it. When we push down rage, tenderness goes with it. Then we grow up and we are often told as adults that our anger must be appropriate, non-offensive, justified and expressed in the "right way". What a joke. As I have proven, taking out our emotions in other inanimate objects is unhealthy and harmful. Ending up with a horrendous hairstyle does not give on a new beginning, it is something you have to bear and deal with which is more difficult when it doesn't turn out well...which is usually the case with emotional hair meddlers. Trying to girdle my feelings is like trying to tie down the wind. When we ignore and suppress our feelings, they come out to frightening, sometimes, destructive ways. I know for a fact that I need to honor them... whatever they are.