Some Infinities Are Bigger Than Other Infinities

“We think of infinity as a really big number, but it’s not. It’s endlessness. Endlessness is a really strange idea in a universe that is defined by its endings.” 

-John Green

 The title is a no-brainer actually and I have to mentally slap myself for not being more creative. However this quote does come from one of my favorite books and happens to be my favorite quote from said book. (Cue in the discussion on how obsessed I am with the concept of being "infinite" I had to tattoo that in my left wrist as a constant reminder.) Anyway, for obvious reasons, I used this title because it holds true to the post...add a few words, subtract some letters and well, it's almost perfect because in reality... some infinity (pools) are bigger than other infinity (pools). I don't know if my infinity pool is bigger or smaller than your infinity pool but since I am in one, for this moment, let's just pretend I am infinite in an infinity pool. I am rambling, I apologize. But I always loved the concept of an infinity pool that looks like it's spilling out toward the sea. It is an illusion, I know... but sometimes, illusions are good too. I remember Lauren Zimmerman once saying, "You do not exist to serve the illusion. The illusion exists to serve you," and this illusion of the infinity pool definitely served me and my wonderful "illusion serving one piece swimsuit" which I love mainly because I designed it and my design philosophy is, if it's not good enough for me to wear, I won't sell it. It's as simple as that. 

Now you see the predicament here since all design samples go to me and since we've been producing swimsuits for a good seven years now, you can pretty much imagine what goes on in my swimsuit closet. I once joked I can go on for a year without having to repeat swimwear which makes me the perfect candidate for living in the beach and now that I think about it, it actually is true... and I would actually even have the chance to change two or three times per day every once in a while. While you may think that is too much... I won't apologize for it because it comes with the job...and well my boss is just awesome. (Yes, I am referring to myself in this case.) Now I rarely wear one piece swimsuits. I like the ones that look like a one piece but actually aren't because I put ties you can criss cross around your waist which makes it all fun and all but since we are off season, (meaning as much as I would love to wear a skimpy two piece, my body isn't conditioned for that right now) that's where this amazing maillot comes in. 

As someone who designs swimsuits, I take into consideration the certain things I find women to be insecure about. I am one of the most self-deprecating people I know which makes me very honest with what I have and what I don't have. I even wonder why people need to point out my flaws to me like it would affect me because I have probably gone through six ways to Sunday to point them out for myself before anyone else does and I am very thorough. For example, now I feel jiggly but I won't hide from the sun and not enjoy the beach because of that. This is what I have to work with and I won't deny myself the pleasure of being in one of my favorite settings ever because I don't feel sexy. Personally, I am not condoning these insecurities since I think all women and all body types are beautiful but it all falls down to how comfortable they are and how fabulous they feel when in the beach. I absolutely hate it when a woman fidgets and keeps on pulling and adjusting her swimsuit in the beach because I love the beach and I think it is a place to enjoy and take in and not get all self-conscious and uncomfortable in and that is where creating this swimsuit, aptly named, The Blockbuster One-Piece, comes in. It is perfectly sexy and shows enough skin while concealing things most women are conscious about aka. their tummy and their thighs. I understand that not everybody is like me who would not give a rat's tutu and wear a surgical mask as bikini top even if I am bloated and ate for ten people the night before and be cool with it... so this one's for the rest of you. This is one of my favorite pieces that I love releasing it every year. Coincidentally, it also happens to be one of my most memorable because it got me into a lot of trouble with an ex-boyfriend. Basically, I thought this sufficed as a top to wear out in the city... with a skirt and a cropped safari vest and he disagreed and being who I am, I did what I wanted to do anyway (which I always do) and wore it then the bickering began and went on and on and on... Anyway, you see how I can speak volumes on just one design I made which probably indicates I am very passionate about what I do... moving on...

I remember chancing upon this saying when I was in college, majoring in Psychology and it goes, "The thing about introspection is that it has no end," and now looking back at it, it makes a lot of sense since I never seem to  run out of things that I think about and then write about. I am so good at self-reflection that if there was a degree on it, I would probably graduate top of the class (yeah yeah, fake diploma and all that jazz people are saying). Mind you, I was never like this all the time. There was actually a time in my life that I only understood things in the scientific point of view. That is why I always loved Math because it is precise and exact...until the geniuses combined numbers with letters and the concept of limits and infinity was brought in then that was when I got all confused. I struggled and tried to live with it...Life goes on...and eventually loved the concept enough to have it inked permanently on my wrist. The thing about infinity is that it cannot exist without certain things being finite. The very reason for the word is because there are things in this life that are not permanent which makes us appreciate the word all the more.

My relationship with the word infinite is exquisite. I have a profound understanding of it as an experience that we live through. It is necessary to life. I have always been an advocate of holding people accountable for their actions and this is probably why. I find that everything that happens to us- what we do, say, think or feel resounds infinitely because it happened and whatever we do makes every moment constitutive of the world not just as we know it but as a whole. It puts a lot of things in perspective really because while life, our experiences and the stages are finite, when we put it out there, it becomes infinite which gives us a greater responsibility...even if we choose to ignore that. I can't think of any other word to best describe it but connection. Maya Angelou said it best actually, "I've learned that people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." I think at the very core, the reason why I blog and why social media and Twitter and Instagram is there making billions of dollars from us recording our daily lives to an invisible audience is because we seek permanence. It gives us all the ability to create a permanent record of whatever it is they feel and making it meaningful and important with just one click until it takes a life of its own. There are times when you can feel something in moments without wondering why. It is brief but it is also very real. I think that's what infinity really is...something more than just mathematical answers and formulas, more than a symbol that encapsulates and represents the never ending. Deep down, we all know how transient and finite we really are...all of us. But whatever we send out becomes permanent.  I think infinity is where we still exist and where we will continue to exist.

Photos by: Celyn Jaravata

x,x,JL