Understand, This Is A Dream

 

 Floral White and Blue Blazer: Zara | Tangerine Blouse: Zara | Cobalt Zipper  Detail Skinny Jeans: Zara | Multi-color Pouch: Lancel | Blue Aviators: Topshop | Anchor Bracelet: Mia Casa | Tangerine Suede Platform Shoes: Zara

You're the dream that hasn't ended,
And I'm still anxious for rest.
Your words they seem to hang above my head.
You're the bud before the flower,
Unfurls into full bloom.
Captivating beauty,
But it maybe all too soon.
You're the song that writes a story,
But leaves a lot to read.
The closest thing to perfect,
But the farthest thing from me.

The first day of every month usually excites me... the possibilities of new beginnings, a fresh start... another chance that maybe- life would smile on me. So, I welcomed my October with my routine round of checkups with my various doctors and granted ,the day was, as expected, going to be bleak, I decided that maybe dressing up well and radiating good vibrations would change the circumstance and by some chance, maybe, the luck would be on my side. I know, I know, life's unfair... but maybe this time it could be unfair in my favor? Long story short....it wasn't. As a consolation though, I did receive my sad news all pretty and poised and decked in head to toe Zara. So there's a silver lining... (I do this thing where most of the time when bad things happen, I try to desperately seek for the silver lining. I guess it's so I don't lose my will to live...) 

 

 

See, we live in a system built on illusions and when we put forth our own perceptions, we are told that we do not understand reality. When reality is illusion and illusion is reality... what chance does a girl have? It's no wonder sometimes we feel crazy. So much of our world is built on illusions. The illusion of control, the illusion of perfectionism, the illusion of objectivity. Dishonesty and denial, unfortunately, are the building blocks of doing too much, too soon. 

 

When we participate in any of these illusions, we end up deceiving ourselves... we lose ourselves. Why is it that we find self-deception, illusions and denial so much more attractive than honesty? (The existentialist in me has to ask.) It could possibly be because we thrive in a society where illusion is the name of the game. Denial runs rampant at every level of our being, at most facets of our world, and ultimately, there is not much support for truth speakers, the realists, those who are in search of something real, who are branded as cynics and victims of disillusionment. I always loved what Jeanette Winterson said that goes, "to be ill-adjusted to a deranged world is not a breakdown."

At the end, we are the only ones who can deceive ourselves. We are the only ones who can refuse to acknowledge our perceptions and lie to ourselves. The choice to deceive ourselves is ours and while denial may appease us... it can only do so to a certain extent. Reality will always catch up with us.  Deny, Deny. Deny. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth.

xx,JL